


Fallen Angel

by PushingBackTheNight



Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Demonic Possession, Demons, Exorcisms, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Marcus Keane suppressed feelings, Protective Tomas Ortega, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, possessed Marcus Keane
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:49:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PushingBackTheNight/pseuds/PushingBackTheNight
Summary: It was never easy to face a posessed person, no matter how many times Tomas had done it yet. But this time it was even harder.*~*~*~*Marcus and Tomas are on the road, fighting demons and getting used to life together. But Marcus isn`t only facing the demons in other people. His own are seeking for his attention like puppies and their visions are much sweeter...





	1. Late at night I can hear the crying

**Author's Note:**

> Besides my 30 Days Writing Challenge with Tomas and Marcus, I`ve decided to start this little story, who is roaming in my mind for a while now. I`m not going to post every day, like in my other story. But I`ll try to post a chapter per week :)

It was never easy to face a posessed person, no matter how many times Tomas had done it yet. But this time it was even harder. It wasn't the man or the circumstance that he was being held in a small, filthy basement room. It wasn't because it seemed hopeless…almost as hopeless as Casey Rance (and they saved her at the end, damn!). No, it was because of Marcus. For his friend, this exorcism seemed to be difficult than others. He looked more tired, more worn out and was easier provoked by the demon. But they almost made it, they both felt it. Marcus just had to pull himself together once more.

"Are you coming?", Marcus asked flatly.

He was already waiting for him at the door. Tomas joined him and together they entered the basement. They were almost physically hitten by the intensiv rotten smell and they heard an unnatural, almost painful moan from the dark room at the end of the stairs. Tomas saw Marcus' shoulders, no his entire body, stiffen and he wanted to get him out of the room, before he even had entered it. But this man, Elias Malter was his name, needed their help and Tomas couldn't make it alone. He needed Marcus at his side. A visible jerk went through the older man's body as he forced himself to turn on the light in the room and enter it. A hiss sounded as the light came on with a brief flicker.

"Here," Marcus handed his bible to Tomas. "If something's going wrong, read the page out loud that I've marked."

Tomas nodded and stood against the wall next to the door. Marcus, however, stood in front of the demon, who looked at him with lurking eyes.

"Ah, the little ex-priest is back“, it snapped, baring his foul teeth.

Its head jerked to one side and its eyes fixed on Tomas.

"Oh and you've brought your toy“, it whispered sweetly. "Take care, that it doesn't break."

"Mother of Mercy, crush the serpent in me through your Immaculate Heart", Marcus began to pray.

He held his rosary so tight that it hurt. But this pain helped him to maintain control of his mind. This demon really masterfully managed to sneak into his thoughts. He had to be careful not to get in it's trap, because then they would lose Elias.

"Ha! You wish! "

"Free this man, this child of God, from the unclean spirit who has taken possession of him!"

"And what about _your_ mind, Marcus?", the demon asked, its head twitching like a snake's, the chains on its wrists rattled as the tail from a rattlesnake.

The next words echoed in Marcus' head...But it wasn't the voice of the demon that seemed to fill his mind. No, it was Tomas' sweet voice.

_What about your mind, Marcus? How pure is your soul, sinner?_

Pictures flooded his mind, images of sun-kissed skin and dark, warm eyes. Pictures of lips he would love to touch. Pictures of hands on his body. Pictures of...Marcus shook his head and quickly dispelled the illusions. He closed his eyes and gripped the rosary more tightly. The metal from the cross digged in his flesh and tried to break his skin. He reached out to the demon and didn't flinch as it snapped at him. This demon was just another poor drip that would fail in its attempt to claim his mind. Marcus was used to being attacked in this way.

"In the name of Jesus and in the name of Mary, I command you, you infernal spirits, depart from us and this place“, Marcus took a step towards the demon, he was almost within reach of his teeth. "And do not dare to return and try and harm us."

Behind him he heard Tomas saying "Jesus! Mary! " three times and for a moment he was really proud of his partner, who immediately knew, what prayer he was reciting and jumped in at the right time to make it even stronger.

"Ah, the ex-priest's sweetheart can still speak", snapped the demon wearing Elias' body as disguise. "Marcus, how do you stand it, with such an appetizing treat? How can you keep your fucking chastity vows? I would have fuc..."

Marcus voice grew louder and drowned out the words of the demon.

"Saint Michael, fight for us! Holy Guardian Angel, save us from all pitfalls of the evil! "

"I'm sure you always say that when you see a guy you like“, the demon purred now. "And all just to fail and sin after!"

"The blessing of the Father, the love of the Son and the power of the Holy Spirit, the motherly protection of the Queen of Heaven, the assistance of the Holy Angels and the intercession of the saints, be with us and accompany us everywhere and all the time!", screamed Marcus.

"Amen!", Tomas said behind him.

Elias' body suddenly cramped. Marcus saw his chance. He took another step forward and pulled the demon into his arms. He felt the rebellion of the creature, but continued to hold him close as he sank to the floor with him.

"Son of the morning, banished from grace, you are forgiven", Marcus pressed the man's head against his shoulder, as if to comfort him and that's exactly what he did...He consoled the demon, the banished angel and thus gave him salvation from his unholy existence. "Profane thing, ashes on the earth, you are redeemed."

The body in his arms jerked like he was hitten by a blow. Something sharp pierced the place between his shoulder and his neck, and he felt as if the demon wanted to rip his flesh from his bones. With difficulty Marcus could suppress a painful gasp and only held the creature more tightly. He pressed the rosary in his hand over the heart of the man.

"Outcast, fallen angel, you are loved!"

The twitching finally became weaker.

"You are not", the demon managed to groan.

"You are forgiven!"

"You are not...", it whimpered.

Marcus felt the demon slowly leave the man's body and his teeth pulled away from his skin. He held him tightly against his chest, though his arm ached as if someone had poured liquid iron over it.

"You are redeemed."

Elias' boday was almost his own again, the demon almost left his mind. It was only a little bit left of it. The next moment it tore his head around and tried once more to bite at Marcus' face, but he held his head steady with one hand. He had already expected something like that. One last, desperate attempt by the demon to hurt him once more. One last, almost helpless rebellion against the inevitable. Marcus closed his eyes and laid as much love in his next words as he could.

"You are loved," he pronounced the words that redeemed the man and that he wanted to hear so desperately for his own.

Elias Malter went limp in his arms, with a soft, released moan. He didn't dare let go of him. People were very weak after a successful exorcism. Body and mind had to deal with the injuries the demon had caused. Elias was shaking, because of cold in the basement and the effort to fight the demon.

"Tomas, he needs a blanket", Marcus said quietly, stroking the man's hair.

A moment later, Tomas squatted next to him and spread a warm blanket over Elias. Then he put a hand on Marcus' shoulder, who gave a hiss and backed away from Tomas. His eyes widened when he saw Marcus shoulder.

"Marcus, you ..."

"Get his family. His wife should call an ambulance for him. "

"But you ...", Tomas started again.

"No! First we have to take care of him, Tomas. I'm not dying on such a small bite, but he will because of his injuries, if he doesn't get help quickly! ", Marcus said sympathetically, but stern.

Tomas glanced at his shoulder again...so much blood...and then got up to rush into the familys home. He wasn't sure if Marcus was right about his own injury. There was so much blood...He had to go to a doctor as well! But that stubborn jerk would never voluntarily admit that and he would never go to a doctor. Tomas would have to take care of him later.

He entered the house through the back door, which led directly into the kitchen. Waiting there was Becky, Elias' wife. The children were nowhere to be seen. It was probably better if they didn't see their father in that condition. They wouldn't understand it. The woman was sitting at the kitchen table, her head in her hands, sobbing softly. When she heard him, she raised her head and tried to suppress the sobbing. Tomas was so sorry for her! He wanted to save her and her family from all this suffering. But it was over! She had her husband back and together they would all life a happy life. Elias was strong. He would recover and everything would be fine.

"Father! Is he...", Becky stopped when she couldn't hold back her sobs.

"We did it, Becky. He is liberated", said Tomas smiling.

She jumped up and hugged him tightly. Now she didn't even try to hold back her tears. But this time they were tears of joy. Between sobs and soft laughter, she kept whispering _Thanks_ to his shoulder. He held her briefly, then he suddenly remembered Marcus' words.

„You have to call an ambulance. Even if the demon is expelled from your husband, there are injuries we can't take care of. He isn't fully out of danger“, he said with a calm voice, so as not to scare the poor women more then she alredy was.

Sobbing, she nodded and disappeared down the corridor to call an ambulance over the landline. Tomas waited until she was back. Then they went together to the basement, whose entrance was on the left side of the house. When they arrived in the dimly lit room, Tomas had to suppress the impulse to run to Marcus and support him. He was still perched on the floor, the unconscious Elias in his arms, his blanket wrapped tightly around his haggard body. But Marcus hung more over the man, than he sat. He was struggling to stay upright. Blood ran down his back, soaking his shirt and Tomas was sure that his chest was covered in blood, too.

Becky ran to the two men. Not because of Marcus, of course not, but because of her husband. Who could blame her? After all, her husband had been posessed from a demon for a whole week and she had already believed he was lost! Now he was freed from the blackness in his soul and when the ambulance arrived, he was completely out of danger, Tomas was sure. His eyes still hung on Marcus, who spoke softly to Becky. She was still crying and nodding at every word from him. Finally he put Elias in her arms and put a hand on her shoulder. She thanked him, still sobbing and pressed her husband to her chest. Tomas could clearly see the smile on Marcus face, even with his back turned to him.

Then his friend got up and turned around. Again he had the deep desire to help him, but knew better. Marcus was so incredibly proud...Sometimes Tomas wanted to punsh him for it! He wouldn't let himself be helped, he would hide his pain as best as he could, just because the injury came from a demon. But Tomas could see how tense his jaw was and that he didn't move his right arm.

"Our work here is done," Marcus said when he got to Tomas. "We have to get out of here before the ambulance arrives."

"I know…Even if it wouldn't be bad, when you would let them help you too."

Marcus gave a barking laugh and patted his shoulder - with his right hand and a grimas caused of suppressed pain.

"Let's go."

Tomas shook his head with a sigh, but ran after him. Arriving at their car, he had to resist a sharp remark. Marcus voluntarily got on the passenger side…It was probably worse than Tomas had thought, if he let him drive. However, he bit back every word. He knew that Marcus, in his condition, wasn't up for jokes. The older man put his feet on the dashboard and looked out of the window. It didn't even take as long as Tomas needed to pull out off the driveway and onto the road, until his partner was fast asleep. He gave him a worried look. Marcus never fell asleep that fast…Only when he was both physically and mentally totally exhausted and that didn't happen often, he could say at least that much about Marcus Keane now.

Again and again Tomas looked over at him and every time, it seemed as if Marcus was trembling and twitching, he heard him whine softly as if he had a bad dream. He was used to this sight. As restless as Marcus was when he was awake…his sleep was even worse. He wanted to wake him up, so that his dreams couldn't torture him anymore. But Marcus needed his sleep, with or without nightmares. Luckily they hadn't gotten far away from the motel they stayed by, so Marcus couldn't really sleep soundly. It was always easier to wake him from a light sleep. Nevertheless, Tomas hesitated. Right now he was sitting completely still and that was a very rare sight. He watched him for a moment, now recognizing the choking marks on his neck. The demons seemed to love to strangle his friend and bite him as soon as he got too close. Sighing, Tomas put a hand on Marcus' shoulder and shook him gently. The next moment he was pushed into the seat, one hand on his throat and a clenched fist hovering on the edge of his field of vision. Marcus stared at him as if he didn't know him and was ready to hit him at any moment. Then his eyes widened and his expression changed abruptly. Startled, he let go of Tomas and backed away to the door.

"Shit", he mumbled, rubbing over his shaved hair. "S..."

"I'm sorry“, Tomas replied quickly and sat down right again. "I should have woken you more carefully."

"No no. That…I...I just had a bad dream, that's all. Sorry."

He got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him. The car wobbled slightly as he dropped himself against it. Tomas could see him rubbing his head again. A gesture that ever expressed a situation, stress or relaxation. Right now it was probably stress, which was confirmed by the kick against the front tire. Tomas shook his head and got out too. Marcus was already halfway to the motel when he caught up with him.

"Everything okay?", Tomas asked softly.

"I should ask you that."

Tomas shook his head and held the door open for him.

"No, at least I wasn't bitten by a demon."

Marcus laughed joylessly and went to their room. Tomas trotted after him like a dog. The room was nothing special. Two beds, a small TV in the corner, a small bathroom. This was exactly where Marcus instantly disappeared. Tomas sighed again and sat on his bed. It was the usual process after an exorcism. The one who was the most worn out showered first, and most of the time it was Marcus. But today Tomas followed him, after a short hesitation. He had heard his friend groaning in pain and sucking in air between his teeth. When he opened the door, he saw Marcus flinch in alarm and whirl around. He stood there just in his pants and stared at him. Tomas tried unsuccessfully to keep from looking over Marcus' upper body.

"What ...", Marcus asked, surprised, but stopped immediately.

"I wanted to help you. The bite needs to be stitched. "

Marcus stared at him, feeling his heart beat faster. That was bad, very bad. After that day, he had no nerves for such a situation. He mentally cursed himself for taking off his shirt and not locking the door. He felt Tomas looks, worried, searching, curious. They stuck to every scar and actually it wouldn't bother him. But the words of the demon and the pictures he had sent him, made the whole thing more unpleasant. He had to resist them, wasn't allowed to let them take over, but he also didn't managed to completely oust the pictures. He didn't want Tomas to touch him, but he knew very well that he wouldn't let him alone if he said no. He wanted to help him and would do everything to get his will. Marcus closed his eyes obediently and sat on the edge of the bathtub. That was a fight he gave up before it even started.

He felt Tomas fingers on his skin and jerked away from it. It didn't hurt…He hadn't even touched the spot the demon had bitten. No, he jerked back, like a beaten dog, simply because he was one. He had learned to hate caresses (and if it only means to take care of a wound gently). Although…He did not really hate it, he was afraid of it. Too often he had felt the stinging pain of a whip or a sharpt slap from the priests on his cheek. And yet…He enjoyed the feeling of Tomas hands. God forgive him! And he would hang on to the warmth that spread underneath his touch. As Tomas' fingers touched his shoulder again, he jerked once more, this time in pain. His partner disinfected the wound as carefully as possible, but it hurted anyways. He didn't look at Tomas, couldn't, because he longed for more. He wanted to feel his hands everywhere. He wanted to touch him everywhere and he knew that he would sin as soon as the warm shower water splashed down on him. Tomas didn't deserve a partner like him…He would hate him, if he knew how big the sin in Marcus' heart and soul was, how deep it was and how disgusting it's manner! He would hate him and he would leave him...

"Marcus? Are you still with me? " Tomas' voice tore from his thoughts.

"Mhm ...", was everything he said, because he didn't trust his own voice.

"Everything okay?" A warm hand cautiously rested on his forehead. "You don't look good…And you're warm too."

"I'm all right, don't worry“, he said after all.

Tomas shook his head and turned back to his shoulder. Marcus closed his eyes again.

"I'm stitching the wound now, okay? Try not to twitch. "

"I would never think of it“, Marcus laughed cheerlessly.

Tomas rolled his eyes and began to sew the wound. He was getting better at it. Although it needed some willpower to pierce the needle through the flesh of his partner, but he didn't hesitated halfway through his flesh anymore and didn't brought Marcus more pain because of it. No, he sewed precisely and quickly. Marcus was very grateful for that. In the past, it was a torture when Tomas sewed his wounds. Even if it had only been stitches, it hurt even more when the body was already struggling with another wound. It took ten minutes until Tomas finally cut the thread and said he was released.

"Thanks", Marcus mumbled, looking closely at the seam. "And well done."

Tomas face lighted up, then his eyes became serious again and he glanced at his friend with a curious and stern look.

"What did the demon mean by saying that you always say the quote when you see guys you like and that you fail and sin after that?", he asked the exact question Marcus feared and never wanted to hear.

"Stupid talk, that's all“, he lied and forced himself to look back in Tomas eyes. „Demons try to lure us out of reserve and, above all, they try to plant doubts in our hearts. They want to drive a wedge between us and pull all the stops for it. Don't be tempted to pay attention to their words. "

That was the end of the conversation for him. He wouldn't say more about this topic and he made that clear, by throwing Tomas out of the bathroom to finally take a shower. And it came exactly as the demon had predicted. Marcus was weak…His desire much bigger than his sense of morality. As soon as the warm water hit his battered body, he knew his soul was lost again. His hands wandered over his body and he imagined that they were stronger. Hands exploring every inch of his skin…Hands the color of caramel, soft fingers on his rough, scarred skin. But it was his own hand and yet it was good. Marcus leaned against the cool tiles and shut his mouth with one hand, as his other slid between his legs. It was so great and not for the first time, he wondered why something so beautiful was considered a sin. His moans were muffled and covered by his hand and the pattering of the water. Softly he whispered Tomas' name. The images, the demon had sent him the whole week, flickered through his mind. _Tomas, who touches and kisses him. Tomas, who pushes Marcus to his knees. Tomas, pinning him against the wall._ _Tomas kneeling in front of him. Tomas, who does so many forbidden things and doesn't even blush._ For a little while he felt so incredibly fantastic that he thought his chest would shatter.

Then the exhilaration faded and he stared at his hand. The testimony of his sin got slowly washed away by the water and yet he had the feeling of being filthy, unclean. The disgust, against himself and what he had done, came back and hit him harder than ever. He clenched his fist and hit the wall. His ankles burst open, but he couldn't care less. He spent the next half an hour washing himself until his skin was red, and yet he felt dirty when he came out of the shower and dried himself. Without looking in the mirror, he put on the clothes that Tomas had already put into the bathroom for him in the morning...He cared so much about him…And he had nothing better to do than fantasize over him and satisfy himself with the thought of Tomas...He felt sick. He really had to pull himself together, to avoid to rush the toilet. And as if the whole thing wasn't bad enough, he had to face the man of his worst fantasies now, too.

Marcus opened the door and stepped out into the small bedroom. Tomas lay on his bed with a book in his hand. When he noticed that his partner entered the room he dropped it and looked at him with a smile.

"Are you feeling better now?", he wanted to know.

Marcus nodded and dropped onto his own bed. He hissed sharp as he landed on his injured shoulder. 

"You should stick a band-aid on it, before you even get your last shirt bloody," Tomas said gently and disappeared in the bathroom.

Marcus laughed softly and grabbed one of the bigger patches from their first-aid kit, as his partner had said. He took off his shirt again and looked at the seam. In his opinion, butterfly stitches would have been sufficient to close the wound. But Tomas preferred to play it safe. Marcus taped the band-aid over the seam and put his shirt back on.

Tomas was a lot faster with the shower. No wonder…After all, he _only_ showered. Twenty minutes later he stood in the door, in new clothes, looking at Marcus, who was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Are you coming?", he wanted to know and Marcus returned his look confused.

"Where?"

"To the pub, around the corner? We have completed an exorcism. Let's have a drink. "

Marcus had to smile and got up from his bed. How could he forget their little ritual? After each exorcism, they went to a bar together and drank one over their thirst…That meant Marcus drank over his thirst. Tomas knew exactly when he had to stop and then did it. Marcus didn't care if he came back to the motel easily or seriously tipsy. After all, he didn't have to get up early the next morning, nor face a demon, just his huge hangover.

 

"That's your fifth“, Tomas said, pointing to the beer in front of Marcus.

"Jap", he replied, popping the 'p' and immediately took another sip.

"You drink too much."

"Or you too less", Marcus laughed barking.

They sat at the bar and talked about God and the world. In the background played a small, second-rate band, one strange-sounding song after another. Marcus always thought it was funny that he liked music that others would call bad at best. He was sure that heaven was exactly like this pub or every other pub they got their 'After exorcism drinks'. Here he could forget his worries and just be. Of course, the alcohol had to do with it, but he hadn't reached his limits, so everything was fine. He could talk more carefree, didn't thought twice about every word, and wasn't afraid of how Tomas would understand his sentences. Here they were just two friends, no priest and ex-priest, no exorcists…just Tomas Ortega and Marcus Keane. He didn't even bother himself for touching Tomas too often, or maybe too long. It was also the only time he realized that his partner didn't mind if he touched him. Marcus has always been the tactile one. He needed something in his hands to concentrate. So it wasn't surprising that he had a hand on Tomas arm, when the younger man spoke.

"Marcus! Are you still here?"

"Hm?"

Irritated he looked at the hand, which waved before his eyes. Then his gaze shifted to Tomas, who had bursted into laughter.

"What?"

"Nothing...You just looked like you were in other spheres."

Marcus ran his hand through his hair and then rested his head in his hand.

"Possible. I'm sorry…Maybe it was really one too many. "

Nevertheless, he drank the beer in one go and ordered a new one. Smiling dreamily, he looked at Tomas, as he spoke of his sister and Luis. It felt good…Something normal in their everyday life of nightmares. If Tomas wasn't gesturing wildly, Marcus' hand or at least his fingertips were on his arm. He absorbed Tomas' warmth and cheerfulness and allowed himself to be taken in by his pleasant voice. It was good for his soul.

But then he heard the sudden scratching of chairs that were pushed back and was immediately on alert again. His gaze wandered to one of the tables behind them and his smile froze to ice. There sat four coarse-looking men, who whispered and scowled at him and Tomas. Two of them were already getting up. That didn't meant anything good. Marcus knew this sort of people who took offense at everything, even if it was just a litte gesture or word…He knew the glances and knew what would happen.

„ _Es hora de irse, hermano_ “, he said, tipping down his beer.

" _Por qué?_ "

Tomas looked at him confused and Marcus met the look firmly.

"Hell is going to start right now if we stay“, he whispered so quietly that even Tomas probably had trouble understanding him.

His friend drank the last sip of his beer, then they stood up. But it was already too late. Tomas made a surprised sound as Marcus pulled him aside and stood in front of him.

"There is no room for such guys as you", growled the biggest of the four men.

"We just wanted to go", retorted Marcus.

Tomas could hear the tension in his voice. Astonished, he looked back and forth between the men and Marcus. What did they want from them? And what did the guy mean with _such guys as them_? Priests? He didn`t even have his collar on and also nothing of his clothes left a sign about his job…and Marcus appearance certainly much fewer.

"Let us pass, then we'll be out of here in seconds", he heard Marcus growl.

The next moment the apparent leader had grabbed Marcus and throwed him against the wall, next to him. He held him by the collar and pushed him against the wall. Marcus bared his teeth like a cornered dog.

" _Marcus_!", Tomas shouted his name, which was a mistake.

His friend's gaze flickered over to him and he didn't saw the fist rushing toward his face. Marcus head slammed against the wall. Tomas saw his eyes close for a moment and how his body went limp. Tomas growled angrily. Forgotten were all vows to never harm a person! He grabbed the man by the shoulder, spun him around and thundered his fist into his face. The man cried out and held his nose, blood was dripping down his fingers and chin. Tomas stood protectively in front of a slightly dizzy Marcus and glared angrily at the men.

"What do you want from us? Leave us alone“, he snapped.

"Then you shouldn't have come here!", replied one of the gang.

The next moment the situation escalated. The four went off at the same time on Marcus and Tomas. However, they both were throwing punshes like there was no tomorrow. Life on the street had even Tomas taught that you couldn't be squeamish when it came to defending yourself. But before everything could really escalate, the owner of the pub and one of his bouncers joined them. The owner grabbed Tomas by the back of his collar and the bouncer dragged Marcus off of one of the men he had just hit in the face.

"I do not tolerate fighting here“, the man growled at Tomas and got him to the rear exit.

Tomas tried to free himself from the grip, but it was as tight as a vise. The next moment, cold night air hit him and he had to reach out to catch himself before slamming into the wall, he was thrown at. He found himself in a back alley and the door slammed shut behind him. Immediately he turned and pulled on it. But as feared, it only opened from the inside. Marcus was still in there! Even he couldn`t stand against four and the bouncer! Tomas was about to run to the entrance, when the door opened again and someone bumped into him. Together, they landed on the ground. Tomas gasped as the air was squeezed out of his lungs by Marcus who landed on him.

"Sorry", he mumbled and tried to get up, but he didn't really succeed.

He seemed to be too dizzy to get up. When he had finally managed to lift himself, he also pulled Tomas to his feet.

"I didn't expected a step and stumbled...Sorry."

" _Mierda_ , Marcus! Your eye!", was Tomas terrified answer.

"What about it?"

Tomas put a hand to his cheek and turned his face into the streetlight. Marcus flinched, but allowed Tomas to dab his temples with a handkerchief.

"It's already very blue and your temple bursted open."

"Half as bad," he mumbled.

Tomas saw that Marcus avoided his gaze and quickly released his face.

"What did they have a problem with?", he asked instead, putting away his handkerchief. "With us? How did we look? Two priests who drink…Okay 's not exactly what you expect from people in our profession, but that's nothing someone got to start a brawl about?"

"You're so naive, Tomas“, Marcus said and smiled.

A sad smile, Tomas thought and looked down the alley. When he looked back, Marcus was already on his way to the end of it.

" _Vamanos_. I have a skull like a coffin and the feeling that it is bursting at any moment."

Tomas followed him and for some time it was quiet between them. But the situation didn't leave Tomas thoughts. He couldn't help but return to the topic, but he had to pack it well, so Marcus would maybe answer to it.

"Now you had your pub brawl", he said, laughing.

"Yes…Yes I had“, Marcus grinned, wiping his mouth and nose with the back of his hand. "I thought it would be funnier."

"I really wonder what they wanted."

"Dunno," muttered Marcus, his mood swirling as fast as the weather when there was a thunderstorm in the air, and he quickened his pace, as if this storm was about to start at any moment.

"You knew what would happened." That was a statement. "Why?"

"People skills."

Tomas knew there was more about it, when Marcus began to shut down. But he also knew that it was unnecessary to ask further. He wouldn't get anything out of him and so he kept his other questions to himself.

As they arrived at their motel room, Marcus immediately looked for painkillers in their bags and took three pills at once.

"I'm going to bed", were his last words at that evening.

Tomas also decided to go to bed. Not long after, he fell asleep. But in the middle of the night he was awakened by a strange noise. His gaze fell instantly on Marcus' bed. It was abandoned. But the door to the bathroom was open a crack, throwing some light into the room. It didn't take a second for him to be on his feet. What if Marcus was worse off than he wanted to admit? What if his wound was bleeding or the seam had risen? What if he had a concussion from the fight? Just as he was about to open the bathroom door more, he heard what he had been awakened to.

"... wash me clean of my wrongdoing and cleanse me from...", a sob interrupted Marcus' prayer. "From my sins..."

Tomas paused on the spot, listening for Marcus' words.

"... By you alone, I have sinned and done evil before you; that you keep right in your words and stay pure when you judge ... "

Again Tomas could hear a sob and he was sure that Marcus was crying. He wanted to go in and comfort him. But Marcus would not allow it. He knew he would probably just storm out of the bathroom and disappear in the night. With a heavy heart he went back to his bed and lay down again. He tried to stay awake until Marcus came out of the bathroom. He managed it for an hour. These sixty minutes were among the worst of his life. Marcus prayed almost uninterruptedly. But the longer he did, the more often his prayers were interrupted by sobs. He could hear him cry for minutes, until he started a new prayer and he begged forgiveness with each one. Tomas was convinced that Marcus Keane was the _last_ person on earth who had to ask for forgiveness! And he would tell him that, as soon as he came out of the bathroom. But his eyes got heavier with time and at some point (later Tomas couldn't say when exactly) eventually he was overcome by sleep.


	2. How can I take the pain away?

The next morning Tomas was awakened by his routine. He was used to get up early to go for a run, but he felt a little bit bad because he had fallen asleep, before Marcus got out of the bathroom. Tomas got up as quietly as he could, changed into his running clothes and looked at Marcus' bed. It was abandoned, as in the night. Maybe he was already gone, to get breakfast or something...wouldn't be the first time. Marcus Keane only knew two times to get up. Either an hour before sunrise or just right for lunch. Today it was probably the first. But when Tomas entered the bathroom, he realized that this wasn't the case. Startled, he put a hand over his mouth to make no loud noises.

Marcus was still kneeling in front of the bathtub with his arms on it's edge and his head resting on his arms. His face was swollen and not just from the fight at the evening. He looked as if he had been crying all night and just fell asleep recently. It broke Tomas heart to see him like this. Not for the first time, he wished that Marcus would talk to him when something oppressed him. Not with him in his function as a priest, but with him as a friend. But apparently he hadn't reached that level of trust yet. Tomas shook his head and crouched down next to Marcus.

"Marcus," he whispered, placing a hand gently on his shoulder.

He almost expected the same situation to occur, as in the car the evening before. He already saw himself lying on the floor with Marcus' fist in front of his eyes. But his friend didn't move.

"Marcus, wake up", Tomas said a little louder, shaking his shoulder lightly.

Terrified, Marcus' head shot up and he jerked away from him. A whimper came over his lips as his joints took a different position. Tomas could see the pain in his eyes and his face was almost a grimace of torture.

"What are you doing?", Tomas asked, holding him by the shoulder.

Marcus returned his gaze wordlessly and simply shook away his hands. Then he closed his eyes and tried to sit up straight, but failed miserably. With a cry of pain, he let himself sink back down and putted his head on the edge of the tub again.

"Come on, I'll help you", Tomas said in a soft tone.

"No."

Marcus shook his head. But he didn't sound very convincing. Tomas rolled his eyes and decided to ignore his objections. He grabbed Marcus under his arms and pulled him to his feet. Not for the first time, he realized that his friend was far too light, for his size. Marcus couldn't suppress a tortured loud, as his knees stretched for the first time after hours and should bear his weight. The next moment his legs give away and Tomas could catch him just in time before he was falling to the ground.

"Dios mio, Marcus", he mumbled half amused, half worried. "You are too old for such a nonsense."

"I'm used to kneeling...I had to do it often enough, even overnight and longer."

He wanted to free himself from Tomas grip, but he didn't allow it.

"Swallow your pride. I'll help you, if you want it or not."

With that, he put his arm around Marcus' shoulders and, so quickly that he couldn't react to it, he had his other arm around his legs and lifted him up.

"Tomas!", Marcus exclaimed in alarm and clung to him.

Smiling, Tomas realized that Marcus was still too sleepy to realize that he had picked him up and he wasn't falling. As this realization seeped into the tired mind of his friend, he immediately dropped his hands. Tomas also saw Marcus' cheeks turning bright red right away. Sometimes he wished that Marcus wasn't ashamed of his weaknesses. There was nothing wrong with accepting help, even if he believed it. He shook his head and carried him to his bed. There he sat him down and squatted beside him.

"What did you thinking doing that?"

"That I deserve to expiate", Marcus muttered, in a rare touch of openness, staring at his feet.

"For what?"

Tomas looked at him in confusion. He didn't know what Marcus should make amends for.

"Yesterday", he yawned and massaged his knees with both hands, still with a pained expression. "You're right. I'm too old for that shit. "

"Yesterday...But they started it... We just defended ourselves. I do't believe that God condemns us because of that."

He saw Marcus shake his head again with a slightly smile.

"You are so wonderfully naive."

These words again and Tomas couldn't assign what he meant by that. It was true, he was naive sometimes. But Tomas just didn't believed, no, didn't _want_ to believe that God condemned people who only defended themselfes. That couldn't be, and if it was naive to not believe something like that, then he liked being naive.

A dull sound beside him made him look at Marcus, who had just dropped himself onto the bed. He yawned and wanted to stretch his legs, which earned him a protesting crack in his damaged joints. Tomas could even hear him gasp in pain. You could tell he wasn't quite in the here and now. Marcus put one arm over his eyes and took a deep breath. Tomas stood up and looked down at him.

"I'll walk my round and bring coffee on the way back", he said, but he wasn't sure if Marcus was still listening or already sleeping.

A smile crept over his face and he stood there for a good five minutes to watch Marcus. To see him so peaceful was a wonderful thing. At least his nightmares left him alone this time.

Tomas left the motel and immediately started his morning routine. He was running for an hour and was able to clear his head a bit. Tomas even thought he had found the answer to why Marcus was always calling him naive. Maybe he did it because his own faith had wavered. Yes, Tomas had noticed. Since his excommunication, Marcus increasingly questioned God. Maybe not God himself, but his faith in him and his actions. He wasn't angry at Marcus or believed he made a mistake. If anyone was allowed to question God, then it was him. He had so many reasons. Tomas didn't know much about his friend's life, but what he knew was enough to make him that concession. Maybe he thought that Tomas was naive, because he believed in God so steadfastly. That was a explanation he could accept.

 

Tomas found a small bakery on his way back, where he got two sandwiches and coffees. For Marcus he also got two chocolate croissants, because he knew how much his friend loved to ate something sweet for breakfast. It took him a good fifteen minutes to get to the motel and he hoped the coffee wasn't cold yet.

In their room, Tomas once again had to look for Marcus. He was neither in his bed, as he had hoped, nor in the bathroom. That meant he had left, but where did he went? It wasn't the first time that Marcus just disappeared and came back the hour later. Nevertheless, Tomas was worried. Somehow he behaved really strange in the last few weeks.

It all started when they met a demon who seemed to know a lot about them. It was as if it had been collecting informations about them and for Marcus it was the worst time after Casey . It had never been so bad before and after that. It was also the first time that Tomas saw one of these creatures sneak into Marcus' mind. It was he who pulled his friend out of the room and had to calm him at the door, because Marcus was completely distraught and almost cried. Marcus had never talked about what he had seen, which images the demon sent to him, and Tomas hadn't asked further. He could only guess what Marcus saw. He himself was always confronted with pictures of his sister, Luis and his Abuelita. By now he had learned as much as possible that he wasn't allowed to be influenced by it, that he had to endure it...had to close his mind, to prevent the demon from having any power over him. Marcus had known this for a long time and had never let his walls sink until this demon came and tore them apart as if they were made of paper. That's why he wanted Marcus to talk to him about it. It would certainly be good for him to have at least that burden from his heart. But maybe he just wanted to forget the whole thing. In the short time they knew each other, no demon, as far as he was aware, had managed to penetrate the barricades around his friend's mind. After that it wasn't getting easier for Marcus. Tomas didn't fail to notice that every time he had to force himself to enter the rooms where the possessed were being held. That was one reason why he respected him so much and looked up to him.

No matter how much the demons inflicted on Marcus, no matter how often or deeply they hurt him, physically or mentally, he kept on going. He didn't allow himself to be disconcert, he put other peoples lifes over his own, even if they were complete strangers. Tomas was sure that Marcus would have sacrificed himself for every person they helped, if that meant driving the demon out of the possessed humans damaged body.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted, as the door slammed shut. Marcus stood in the room and smiled at him.

"Smells like breakfast", he said, coming to the little table that stood in front of the only window in the room and where Tomas was sitting.

He grinned back and pushed a cup of coffee to him. He had made it a habit not to have breakfast alone. He had hated that in Chicago already. Now he had someone with whom he could eat together, so he was willing to wait until he came back from wherever he was.

"Where were you?", He wanted to know and looked at his friend curiously.

"Get some fresh air...Gotta had to get my thoughts together", Marcus replied, taking a sip of coffee.

He closed his eyes with relish, as the, now only lukewarm, brew ran down his throat. There was nothing like a coffee after such a night.

"It was probably one or two beer too much. I never drink that much again. "

Tomas laughed and shook his head.

"You always say that! ' _I never drink so much, I swear._ ' or ' _Tomas, next time you take the bottle and the money away from me!_ '. But you never stick to it. "

"You've never taken the bottle from me."

"I'm not suicidal!"

Now it was Marcus' turn to laugh and Tomas thought that he had heard this happy sound too few lately. Nonetheless, concern about Marcus burned in him like a fire that wouldn't go away. He watched his friend closely. After such a night, Marcus couldn't be as fit as he tried to fool him. In fact, Tomas found signs that Marcus was more affected than he wanted to admit. His eyes were red and he kept yawning. In addition, his hands were shaking and Tomas hadn't failed to notice that he had hobbled when he came over to the table. Nevertheless, he seemed to be in a good mood.

"Did you bring anything to eat, too?", Marcus asked as his coffee was already half empty.

Tomas nodded and held out two identical bakery bags. In one were the sandwiches, in the other the croissants. Marcus raised his eyebrows and looked thoughtfully at the bags.

"Choose wisely", Tomas chuckled, which earned him another highly focused look.

Then his friend, grinning, grabbed the bag of croissants and looked inside.

"You are the best, Tomas! A godsend", Marcus said, immediately bitting of a big slice of the first croissant.

Tomas smiled, glad to have made Marcus happy. He himself was completely satisfied with eating the sandwiches. They ate in perfect silence, which wasn't bad. They were both used to it and found peace in the silence of each other. It wasn't an embarrassing silence, but a welcome one. They followed their thoughts and when they felt like it, they shared them with each other, if not, they just kept them to themselves. That was the way it had been from the beginning and they both enjoyed this natural understanding.

"Can I ask you a question?", Tomas suddenly asked.

"You are already asking."

Marcus smiled at him until he saw how serious his partner's expression was. He didn't feel good about it and yet he nodded. Sometimes you had to face unpleasant things and maybe Tomas wouldn't ask what Marcus feared.

"You mentioned something earlier", Tomas paused, which made him even more nervous.

"Yes?"

"You said that you often had to kneel...Over night and longer," he paused again and this time he looked Marcus in the eye. "Why?"

He almost exhaled with relief. That was a question he could easily answer. He would leave out one or two things. But Tomas wouldn't notice.

"When the church decided to make me _a_ _sword_ _of God_ , I had to learn a lot", he explained, smiling bitterly. "And at the beginning, the punishment for an offense was to kneel in a pew and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes only a few hours, sometimes a day or a night. "

Tomas just nodded and looked away. Knowing exactly that he wanted to hear more, Marcus was thinking for something he could tell him without getting pity looks.

"The longest time, I had to kneel, was a whole night and a half day. At that time I was fifteen or sixteen. "

Marcus smiled slightly as Tomas looked at him in disbelief. He couldn't believe that his partner was just chatting away...Or he was startled by the length of the punishment. This one wasn't the worst he had ever gotten. His eyes wandered into the distance as his thoughts wandered to that one day, that had revealed so much to him about himself.

"It was the middle of the summer. The days were incredibly hot and we had, so to speak, the day off, which bordered on a miracle. Behind the scenes, we whispered that it was too hot for the old sacks from the church to stuff anything of knowledge and faith into our brains. "

Marcus had to laugh. Yes, he had never really believed in the church...In God, yes, but not in the church. Not after what he had gone through in the boy's home and what he had been forced to do.

"A small group of us, including myself, had slipped away to go swimming in a nearby lake. It was a blessing and we all agreed that heaven had to feel the same way. Actually, we committed a sin, because none of us had swimming trunks and therefore we went swimming naked. "

Now Tomas chuckled and shrugged.

"Nakedness isn't a sin, Marcus."

"No", he sounded absent and Tomas noticed that he was almost completely lost in his memory. "No, it wasn't for us either. But for the priests. "

"You were caught", Tomas stated.

"Mm", Marcus hummed lost in his thoughts, then suddenly he started to laugh again. "The heaven quickly turned into something hell-like when the highest priest stormed to the lake in flowing robes. He looked like a big, fat, angry bat right out of the abyss. "

The imagination also made Tomas laugh and it took a minute or two to calm the both down. He loved it when Marcus was in a good mood. He could tell in the same wonderful way, he drew and Tomas clung to his lips as often as possible.

"We all didn't get anything to eat that evening. We should also be in the chapel one hour before the evening mass and kneel in the back rows. Johna, a boy about my age and me...Let's just say we didn't think much of this punishment and didn't really care about it. We were in our rebellious phase and we did everything to make the priests feel it. So we didn't go to the chapel, but met behind the home. I had _borrowed_ a pack of cigarettes when we had been in the city, the day before, to do the shopping for the week. I started smoking not long before, but I just couldn't stop either back then. I also offered a cigarette to Johna and when he said no, I talked to him until he couldn't say no anymore. So we stood together behind the home, smoking and we were proud of ourselves, that we stood up to the priests...So proud."

Marcus hesitated without noticing. His fingers traced the scratches at the table as the memory came to life again. He didn't told Tomas everything. Yes, it was true that he was already smoking then. Also that he persuaded Johna to join. Only the _how_ wasn't true. He hadn't talked to him that much, he didn't had to. There had been only three little words.

 

_"Close your eyes," Marcus said with a smile,_ _cocking_ _his head._

_He held his_ _cigarette_ _in one hand and the other on_ _Johna's_ _arm. His friend looked at him_ _thoughtfully_ _. He didn't know what he was up to. But Marcus was_ _confident_ _that he would it. He knew Johna._

_"I don't know if I want to, Keane."_

_"Close your eyes", he_ _repeated_ _, this time_ _pleading_ _._

_Johna sighed and did as he_ _asked_ _._

 

"I instigated Johna, so my punishment was much harder", Marcus continued as he came back from his memory. He silently thanked Tomas for not interrupting his thoughts. It was good to dive into these memories from time to time, commemorating those who had been his friends.

"As I said, I had to kneel on the stairs all night and until noon the next day...and then I had to clean the bedrooms and toilets. Besides, I only got bread and water for two days. "

"And only because you were smoking?!", Tomas asked.

Marcus could hear the faint rage in his voice. If only they had smoked. But something happened that he would never allow to happen today. Nevertheless, he didn't regret the experiences he had with Johna.

 

 _The smile_ _returned_ _to Marcus face and he_ _put_ _his hand on the neck of his friend. He flinched,_ _but_ _let_ _him grant. Now Marcus took a_ _drag_ _on his_ _cigarette_ _and_ _leaned_ _forward. The next moment his_ _lips_ _lay_ _on Johnas and his_ _tongue_ _slipped_ _into his_ _mouth_ _. Johna was too_ _startled_ _to_ _react_ _at first and the next_ _secound_ _the_ _cigarette_ _smoke_ _filled_ _his_ _mouth_ _. Marcus_ _let_ _go of him and looked at him with a_ _grin_ _._

_"Didn't_ _expect_ _that, did you?", he laughed and took another_ _drag_ _._

_This time he_ _blew_ _out the_ _smoke_ _and watched Johna, who had a hand on his_ _lips_ _and_ _stared_ _at Marcus. His_ _cheeks_ _were_ _red and he_ _thought_ _that_ _color_ _suited_ _him very well. Marcus had long_ _noticed_ _that he was_ _attracted_ _to Johna. He wanted to touch him all day and if he_ _could_ _, he would have_ _slept_ _in his bed. But that was_ _strictly_ _forbidden_ _! It was a sin...And so was the kiss...What had he done?  
_

_"Marcus, what ...", his friend_ _murmured_ _, still_ _looking_ _at him_ _startled_ _._

_"It Was a joke, okay? Doesn't happen again, I swear", Marcus_ _replied_ _...He probably didn't_ _liked_ _it as much as Marcus had_ _thought_ _._

_He_ _suddenly_ _felt stupid. What would_ _become_ _of their_ _friendship_ _now? If Johna didn't want to_ _be_ _with him_ _anymore_ _? What if he would told the_ _priests_ _? Marcus didn't want to think about it!_

_The next moment Johna had_ _taken_ _the_ _cigarette_ _out of his hand. He took a_ _drag_ _by himself and_ _smiled_ _. Marcus_ _swallowed_ _when he_ _saw_ _how perfect his lips wrapped around the cigarette. Then his __breath_ _caught_ _in his_ _throat_ _, now it was his friend who_ _put_ _his_ _lips_ _to Marcus'. In a_ _fraction_ _of a_ _second_ _, his_ _brain_ _told him what that meant and Marcus wanted to_ _cheer_ _loudly_ _._ _Even_ _more_ _so, he opened his_ _lips_ _to allow_ _Johna's_ _tongue_ _and the_ _cigarette_ _smoke_ _to_ _enter_ _. For a moment_ _there_ _was only both of_ _them_ _...For a moment they felt free and really like in_ _heaven_ _. Then hell_ _broke_ _loose_ _and this time they couldn't_ _escape_ _it._

"Johna, luckily, just had to kneel for three hours and recite some prayers fifty times that I didn't remember. I would probably never have forgiven myself if he had been punished as hard as I", he finally said, running a hand through his hair. "And two days later, we were looking for a place in the nearby forest, where we could smoke undisturbed."

"That's the worst kind of abuse of power", Tomas said angrily.

"Easy, hermano. I got far worse punishments than that", Marcus laughed and realized the next moment that it had been a mistake to admit that.

"That doesn't make it better."

"I know...", he murmured, smiling softly at Tomas. "But the times are over...And they also had something good. I suppose I wouldn't be here without them. "

Tomas nodded and his gaze wandered out of the window. Marcus would have given everything to be able to read his thoughts at that moment. But his own was preventing him from observing Tomas' face and drawing conclusions about what was going on in his head. This particular memory was linked to another that he hated like the devil! That meant the memory for itself was nothing but sad...He hated the priests who had given him that memory.

Tomas broke away from his thoughts, which revolvedaround how terrible Marcus' childhood and teenage years had been and that he probably never was allowed to be a child. He had grown up too fast. His gaze wandered back to his friend. He was sitting there with a smile on his face and if you didn't look into his eyes, you would have thought that he was happy and genuine. His eyes, however, showed something very different. They were full of sadness and pain. Tomas wanted to hug Marcus, but as always he wasn't sure if he would allow it and he didn't want to risk destroying this moment. Even though Marcus was just sinking into mourning (and his eyes spoke volumes on that matter),Tomas thought he needed just that. It also felt wrong to disturb his memories, especially now that he had decided to share a few with him. Nevertheless, Tomas thought hard about how he could take his pain away, but that wasn't easy,because Marcus didn't like to accept help.


	3. The question was how I could keep sane!

With the silence that followed his story, came another, more terrible memory. Marcus saw it right in front of him. That dirty, stinking room. It smelled of death and decay, of rotting flesh and puke. So dimly lit that you could hardly see anything. The priests sent Johna and him to that room.

_"This is your punishment for the sin you committed”, they said, closing the door behind them._

_Marcus knew that Johna was scared and he felt the same way. But he had learned to hide the fear. He didn`t allowed himself to show it to the creature, that lurked in the darkness._

_"Come out, fallen angel, and let yourself be redeemed", he growled into the dimness in front of them._

_Johna had flinched as his voice echoed across the room. His hand had grabbed Marcus` arm._

_"Everything's fine, we can do it. Wouldn't be the first demon we cast out," he murmured reassuringly._

_The next moment, both of them slammed into the door behind them as a burst of energy hit them. Marcus felt  immediately nauseous, after his head hit the metal. Johna beside him made a soft whimper. It took a moment for them to get up. Marcus pushed in front of his friend and took his Bible tighter. It was the only weapon, the priests gave them. With his head raised with courage, he stepped towards the dimness. It took a few minutes, but when his eyes got used to the pale light, he could see the man the demon had taken possession of._

_Marcus quoted one Bible verse after another and Johna helped him. But the demon was having fun torturing both of them. As soon as they came within reach, he struck at them, scratch them or let them fly across the room again. When they lost their strength after hours…or even after a day, he saw his chance to eliminate two exorcist candidates and immediately took it._

_Marcus was too tired to notice that he was within reach of the demon. He snapped at him, with fingers that looked like claws. Marcus saw himself almost flying across the room again, as Johna jumped in front of him and was catched in his place. Marcus heard his friend screaming and saw him thrown across the room. Then a crack sounded, which had frozen the blood in Marcus veins and would be in his head for a long time. He watched as Johna slid down the wall and remained motionless._

_"Johna!", the scream almost tore his throat._

_He rushed forward and pulled his friend into his arms. His head rolled unusually limp to the back. Tears welled up in his eyes, as he realized what that meant. With trembling shoulders, he hugged him tightly and laid his quivering lips one last time on his beloved friend's._

_"Look it that", the words of the demon intersected the silence like a knife. "An exorcist who likes men...irony of fate, right? After all, you are married to the old sack up there and the church doesn't like when someone cheats on its beloved leader. Especially not with humans of the same gender. "_

_Marcus looked at the demon hatefully. Carefully, he put Johna down on the floor and stepped towards the possessed._

_"Two boys, two kids, trying…Making experiences. Breaking the rules, maybe even on purpose? Yes, definitely on purpose. Surely you have been sent here", it whispered mockingly. "Certainly the old churchmen hope you both are going to die. Let's not disappoint them."_

_With that it grabbed Marcus again and he allowed it. He was drawn to the demon and the next moment he punched its face with his fist. The creature stumbled and let go, surprised by the force of the blow. Marcus pushed it to the ground and knelt over it. Then he pressed his rosary against its forehead and heard with satisfaction how it screamed in pain. He quoted every verse he knew that commanded the demon to leave the human body. He didn't begged for God's forgiveness, as before...He would never beg  again, he would just order. You couldn't give demons your love, your forgiveness, because if you`re doing so, you would give them time to hurt those you love._

_With tears in his eyes Marcus held the man on the ground and later no one could say where the slender boy had taken the strength from. He managed to exorcise the demon after another almost endless day. When the priests opened the chamber, they found the man freed from the demon, who had tortured him for two weeks. And in one corner sat Marcus. He hugged Johna's lifeless body and cried miserably. Even under the threat of beatings, he didn't want to let go of his friend. Nevertheless, the priests managed to separate the two._

_Johna was buried, unspectacular and without mourners. Marcus was the only one who knew what had really happened to him. He was also the only one who cried for him on the day of his funeral. He was the only one who wasn`t brought back to the common rooms, after the incident in the chamber. The others hated him for that. For the special treatment, the attention of the priests, the single room, the advanced training as an exorcis...hated him, because they didn't knew what the priests did to him. They told him that Johna's death was the punishment for his sins. That Marcus would get his punishment too. They thought pain increased his potential. They also tried to drive him out of his sexuality, tried_ to pray the gay away _and repeated the same words._

_"Johna is dead because he gave in to his desire. It was God's will. The punishment this misguided boy deserved."  
_

_Marcus, however, blamed himself. If he had taken better care...If he had his desire under control, none of this would have happened. He vowed to never let a human be as close to him as Johna had been. Nobody should become the target of a demon, just because he was loved by Marcus._

Marcus realized how tense his jaw was, when Tomas pointed out that he was gritting his teeth. The church had made him what he was. An old man, too timid to let others in and too proud to accept help, for fear that it would turn into another pain. He often wondered how he had managed to keep sane after all his experiences in the past. The time with Johna was short, but so far the most beautiful of his life. By now he didn't regret anything of what he had done then…Maybe that he hadn't sented Johna away. He knew it was a child's deeds...but he never forgot the oath and yet he was sitting opposite Tomas. The man he would do anything for. The man he loved so much that the demons had a new target. He had broken his oath, but he wouldn't make the same mistake and put his longing over the good of Tomas.

 

Two weeks later, they were sitting in another motel, in another city, with another case and were still at the beginning of their exorcism. They were packing their bags when Tomas put a hand on Marcus shoulder.

"Are you ready for this?", he wanted to know and looked at him thoughtfully.

Marcus knew what he meant. He had withdrawn his conversation about the punishment of the priests he had already suffered. He spoke less and for a reason that had only become clear to him when he had thought of Johna's death.

Demons destroy everything that was loved by someone. They had a sense of it...And if you carried someone in your heart, they could gain access to your thoughts. That's why the demon in Casey Rance also managed to influence Tomas so quickly. He had loved Jessica and within a few moments he had kneeled in front of the demon and seen his lover. Marcus suppressed the thought of what would have happened, if he hadn't come into the room in time. He also suppressed the idea of what would happen to him, if a demon managed to get deeper into his head and implant even more pictures of Tomas. Above all, after this one incident in Milwaukee.

This demon had known what his weakness was, had known how to use it. It had given him pictures that Marcus would never forget. Pictures of Tomas being torn apart by the demon, how he broke his neck, slit his throat and drank his blood. He saw Tomas die so many times and the whole thing culminated in that one vision in which the demon took possession of Tomas and slowly let him rot from the inside out. He broke every bone in his body one by one, and finally, with agony, made him die of his injuries.

The worst part of this vision, however, was that Marcus hadn't been able to do anything. He saw everything that the demon did to Tomas, but couldn't move, couldn't rush to help him...He couldn't even call his name, let alone whisper.

The next thing he could remember was that he was standing in the hallway. Tomas had pressed him against the wall and a hand was on his cheek. He talked to him and Marcus needed a moment to understand what he said.

"It's all right, Marcus. These were just pictures. Nothing happened. Everything's okay. You are fine."

He felt something wet on his cheeks and wondered what it was, until he realized it was his own tears. He had cried...When was the last time he had cried in the presence of others? The next moment Tomas had hugged him tight. He put Marcus' head against his shoulder, just as he always did when he gave the demons as much love as he could.

"Everything's fine", Tomas said again and again, until Marcus had calmed down.

Two days later, they had finally defeated the demon. But from then on, a lot changed. The demons still tormented Marcus with visions of Tomas. But these were no longer violent, no. They had noticed that this kind of pictures made Marcus more dangerous. He fought more to save the possessed, before the demon in him could do something to Tomas. So they changed their tactics. Now it was lewd images...The pure sin and that ate Marcus. He couldn't bear to see what he wanted so much with the knowledge that he would never get it. It wasn't allowed to get it. The demons themselves left the work to torment him tp himself. They gave him the pictures and Marcus found himself in the shower hours later with no control over his feelings and desires...It was as if he himself were possessed, as if his hands were being led by another power. As if his body would ignore all the vows he had ever done and those because of pictures that were planted by demons in his head. Yes, they knew exactly what was the best way to torture him.

"... cus? Marcus!"

Tomas voice tore him from his thoughts and brought him back to the here and now. Somewhat confused, he looked at his partner.

"Are you sure that everything is okay?", Tomas wanted to know.

Marcus looked at him more confused, because he didn't understand what he meant. But then he nodded. Yes, he was okay...As okay as you could be, if you were constantly afraid of hurting your partner.

"Marcus", Tomas' voice gently sounded and sent goose bumps over his body. "You have to be fully involved. I don't want the demon to manipulate you!"

Marcus snorted as anger exploded in him. What did Tomas think? That he didn't know how dangerous it was to face a possessed person, in his condition? That he didn't know how easily the demon could sneak into his thoughts, when he was distracted?

"You mean like you in Chicago?", He growled angrily. "Just two minutes alone with the demon and you were already on your knees!"

"That was a mistake, I had no experience and you know that!"

Tomas hated it if he held this situation against him and Marcus knew that. But Tomas had to realize that such mistakes could be life-threatening. That's why he brought up the theme again and again. Which didn't mean that it would never happen again...No, Marcus was the best example that it didn't protect you from a demon when you knew how dangerous a distracted mind was.

"Nevertheless, it should not have happened."

"You have too...Oh forget it", snarled Tomas. "Why am I worried about you at all? You're not even worried about your condition..."

With that, he left the room and slammed the door shut behind him. Marcus took a deep breath. He didn't want to argue with Tomas, but it was easier like this. So he could fool himself that he didn't want him. It was better for both of them. Nevertheless, they had to work together and that was why Marcus ran after him. Tomas was already in their truck when he caught up with him. They silently drove to the house where the possessed man lived. His sister Kathy let them in and in the next moment all the quarrels were forgotten. They had to work together or they wouldn't stand a chance against the demon.

 

It wasn't a particularly strong demon, Tomas even felt it. They would probably have expelled him long ago, if Marcus had been completely concentrated.

"You unclean spirit, leave this child of God!"

Marcus splashed holy water on Nicos body and his hissing sounded simultaneously with the hiss of water on his skin.

"Marky Boy", barked the demon, in his father's voice. "You worthless little shit. What do you want to do against me? "

"I'm going to drive you out and free that god child", growled Marcus angrily.

Tomas stood behind him, watching him closely. Something was wrong with Marcus. He was never provoked so quickly. Besides, in the last few hours he kept staring into the distance, as if he saw something that was only visible to his eyes. The next moment Tomas attention was in demand again.

"Saint Michael, pray for us", said Marcus and Tomas joined in.

They prayed out of one mouth and it had an effect. The demon gasped and dropped to his knees. It wasn`t long, before he squimed on the floor out of pain.

"Holy angels of God, pray for us.  
Saint Abraham, pray for us.  
Saint John, pray for us.  
You patriarchs and prophets, pray for us.  
Saint Peter, pray for us ... "

Marcus' voice was full of anger and rage. Tomas was about to point it out to him, when Marcus suddenly fell silent again and stared at the demon, lying on the ground in front of him, looking up at him with a grin. Marcus took a step forward and held out his hand. Now he was within reach of the demon.

"Not!", Tomas shouted, but it was already too late.

The demon jumped up quickly, grabbed Marcus and threw him to the ground. A secound later he knelt over him and squeezed his throat with one hand. Marcus didn't resist, until the other man's hand went under his shirt. He gasped and seemed to wake up again. His gaze turned to Nico and he bared his teeth like a dog.

"Nice move", he gasped, reaching for the hand around his neck.

"I know what you like, Marcus."

Tomas wanted to intervene, but Marcus looked at him just then and his gaze stopped him. Then suddenly a jerk went through his body and a secound later Nico lay on the ground and Marcus knelt over him. With one hand he held him to the ground, the other one was pressed to the side of his face. With his thumb he drew the cross on his forehead. The demon gasped and squimed under him.

"You have no idea what I like", Marcus snapped. "For we have not to fight with flesh and blood, but with mighty and enormous ones, that is, with the lords of the world who rule in this darkness, with the evil spirits under heaven."

Again and again he drew the cross on Nico's forehead.

"And Jesus threatened him and said, be still and get out of him! And the evil spirit threw him in the midst of them and drove off and did him no harm. "

Tomas stood there and looked at Marcus inquiringly. He had never heard him speak like this before. Nor were these psalms underlined or otherwise highlighted in his Bible. The next moment he heard Marcus curse and pulled himself out of his thoughts. His friend's face was painfully distorted and his teeth clenched. When Tomas saw his arm, he realized why. The demon clutched Marcus' wrist tightly, his teeth had sank deep in his flesh and blood was running down Marcus' arm and Nico's chin.

"Marcus!"

Tomas went to him and tried to separate the two. The demon laughed through clenched teeth, Marcus stared at him, trying to suppress a cry of pain...Unsuccessfully. Tomas took some holy water and dripped it on the demon's forehead. With a hiss, he let go of Marcus' arm and turned away from him.

"Good idea", Marcus muttered, continuing to stare at the man below.

"Let's finish it", Tomas replied. "The wound needs to be treated as soon as possible."

"I'm fine, don`t worry."

"Haha! Yeah, he's fine", the demon laughed and licked his bloody lips. "Especially when you're there, Tomas…Pretty Tomas."

Marcus stared at Nico as if he wanted to beat him at any moment. Tomas held out his hand to keep him from doing so. The next moment they were being pushed backwards. Tomas crashed into the wall and Marcus landed hard on his back. The demon laughed and looked at them with mocking eyes.

"He doesn't know", he laughed, walking as far towards Tomas as the chain on his foot allowed. "You don't know...You have no idea what Marky-Boy is doing when he's alone."

"Leave, unclean spirit!", Tomas said in a firm voice and straightened up.

"He uses you to satisfy his greed, his lust. He sins, with your name on his lips."

"Leave this body and release this child of God!"

The demon laughed again, tossing his head back and closing his eyes. Then his head jerked forward again and he gave Tomas lecherous glances. As he spoke, the words sounded in Marcus' voice.

"What would I give to hold you once...to kiss you, to feel your body”, he purred and licked his lips again. "To fuc..."

"Shut up!", yelled Marcus, building himself up in front of the demon. "I command you, leave this man, you unclean spirit! Get out, devil. "

"Oh", the demon giggled, now again in his own voice. "Did I hit a _sore_ spot?"

"I'll gladly tear you out of the heart from this man", growled Marcus, grabbing the man's shirt. "You worthless creature ..."

"Marcus!"

Tomas' stern voice cutted in his mind. The demon looked at him grinning and Marcus took a few steps away from him. His gaze shifted to Tomas, who looked at him anxiously but sternly. He clenched his fists and lowered his head. A silent request to Tomas to continue the exorcism. His partner nodded and turned to the demon.

Tomas quoted one Bible verse after another and did not let the demon distract him. This was getting weaker and at some point a twitching drove through Nicos body and he lay completely still on the ground. Tomas went to him and drew the sign of the cross on his forehead. He didn't flinch or react otherwise. Pride poured into Tomas chest. He had done it. What would Marcus say now? With a relieved smile, he turned to his friend. But Marcus was no longer at the door. He was nowhere in the room. A second later, the door opened and Kathy came in.

"Your partner said I should call an ambulance and then come to you", she said in a shaky voice. "Is everything alright with my brother?"

"Yes, he is fine. The demon hadn't taken hold of him for long. A doctor should still examine him", explained Tomas. "Did Marcus say where he's going?"

"No," Kathy shook her head. "Only that he needs fresh air...The ambulance will be here any moment, go look after your partner. He definitely needs you, as exhausted as he looked.”

Tomas nodded in gratitude as Kathy approached him and took her unconscious brother in her arms. He got up and was already at the door when she briefly stopped him again.

"Thanks for everything, Father Tomas. I don't know what I should have done without you two. "

"That's our job", he smiled at her and when she smiled back, he turned and left the house.

He prepared himself to seek Marcus...probably even the whole night. That's why he was even more astonished, when he was sitting on the ground infront of their truck. He leaned his back against the front wheel and looked up into the starlit sky. Tomas thought he saw tears on his cheeks.

"Marcus?", he said quietly, almost afraid that the older one would jump up in fright and run away.

In fact, Marcus looked at him like a deer in the spotlight. He quickly wiped his face, confirming Tomas' observation: he was crying. Tomas heart felt as if someone was crushing it in his face. He didn't know how to help Marcus, could only talk to him, because he didn't allow more.

"Are you okay?", Tomas asked quietly and sat down next to Marcus.

He immediately jerked back, which Tomas caused to bring more distance between them. It seems that Marcus didn`t want any physical closeness at the moment. He owed him the answer and hung his head.

"You did well", he said instead. His voice was harsh because of the crying and yet he looked at Tomas with a smile. "You don't need me anymore."

"You're wrong! I need you more than ever! "

He laughed, another joyless laugh that has sounded far too often lately. Then he looked at Tomas again and sighed.

"Don't you want to say anything, to what the demon has revealed to you?"

"You said I shouldn't listen to them...It's just empty words."

"Empty words, yes", Marcus murmured absently, finally getting up. "You don't need me anymore, Tomas. You're an exorcist...a lot better than me."

He turned away and walked around the car. Tomas thought he would get on the driver's side and stayed on the ground for a moment. But when he didn't hear the car door, he was struck by a worrying premonition. He jumped up and looked around for Marcus, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Marcus!" Tomas shouted desperately, walking a few steps away from the car. "Marcus! Come back!"

But he could call out as much as he wanted. Marcus disappeared. Tomas sighed and shook his head. Why did he always have to do something like that? Why did he always disappear instead of talking to him? The only thing he could do now, was to drive to the motel and wait for Marcus to come back. Somehow he had the feeling that it wouldn't happen this time and had to give himself courage.

"He always comes back," Tomas muttered to himself.

But he couldn't be sure, until his friend was back.

 

Marcus couldn't thought of any other way out..He had to get away from Tomas, as long as he still could. It was already hard, how difficult would it be in a few days or weeks? He had to leave so he wouldn't dragge Tomas into any danger. The demon had almost done him a favor to tell Tomas what he wanted to do with him. Now his partner would hate him and it was easier for Marcus to leave. But you really had to say, that Tomas mastered the poker face perfectly. He didn't show any of the disgust he felt for Marcus.

It was only to their best if Marcus disappeared from his life. Tomas no longer had to hide his disgust and pretend that he didn't mind that Marcus was near him and Marcus didn't had to relive how his heart got teared into a thousand pieces.

He had run for a while, but his strength had quickly left him. Now he walked briskly through the city and had no idea where to go. But he would think of something. He was able to sleep outside for a few nights. It was summer and warm enough to spend the night outdoors. But sleep didn't came so fast.  
Marcus wandered around the city for hours, until he couldn't take a step anymore...until his legs gave way below him and he fell to his knees. Cursing, he sat down and looked at his wounded knees.

 _Tomas would have disinfected it immediately_ , he thought with a sad smile, and let the little bit of blood, that had gathered around the abrasions, just run down his legs.

The thought tore him inwardly. It didn't take long for him to get used to Tomas, not to have the spanish sunshine at his side anymore...That would take forever. Suddenly something wet landed on his neck and made him flinch. Two minutes later it was pouring rain. From Marcus' throat came a desperate laugh and he turned his gaze to the sky.

"I don't like it either! But you are to blame! So just leave me alone! “, he shouted as lightning flashed over the night sky right above his head.


	4. It`s where my demons hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter :)  
> I love the course this story takes on its own xD What do you think about it?

Tomas took the direct route back to the motel and waited there. He sat at the small table and kept an eye on the door all the time. In no case did he want to miss when Marcus came back. For this he had considered his roasting too well. He wanted to yell at Marcus, what he was thinking of just disappearing. He wanted to reproach him for frightening him! He wanted to make it clear to him that he almost died of worry...Actually, all he wanted to do was to make Marcus feel guilty. Because only then you could continue to speak with him. If he was guilty, he admit things he would otherwise have denied. But much more, Tomas just wanted Marcus to be back with him and he didn’t have to worry. He wished, that Marcus just talked to him and trusted him. Well, he probably hadn’t met many people in his life whom he could trust. But Tomas thought he'd proven for a long time that he was one of those few people. Hopefully, Marcus came back soon so he could tell him all that. But it was getting later and later, without a hint from his friend. At some point Tomas got tired, but he forced his eyes to remain open. Nevertheless, he rested one arm on the table and put his head in his hand. One yawn after another crept over his lips. It wasn’t long before his eyes closed.

The next morning, Tomas was startled by the thought that he had heard the door falling shut. He opened his eyes and looked around the room. No Marcus. The bathroom was empty. So he had just imagined the sound? Slowly he really doubted that Marcus would come back. A gnawing sensation spread inside him and wouldn’t let go. He waited all morning and paced the room. At noon he couldn’t stand it anymore and reached for his cell phone. In secounds he had chosen Bennett's number. It took a felt eternity, until he finally answered.

"Benn ...", he started, but was immediately interrupted by Tomas.

"Did Marcus contact you?", he asked nervously.

"Why should he?", came the cold counter question.

Tomas narrowed his eyes and tilted his head back. He wanted to scream, but bit his lip to prevent it. Instead, he took a deep breath.

"He disappeared...last night after a exorcism ended. He said I didn’t need him anymore and disappeared..."

"Calm down. He does that sometimes...just disappear like that. "

Tomas' fist landed on the table, a little firmer than intended. That wasn’t helpful! He knew Marcus sometimes disappeared. But never more than one night! Tomas was really starting to worry. Maybe something had happened to him.

"Thanks," he growled.

"Tomas, you should...", but Bennett didn’t get any further because Tomas had already hung up.

He grabbed his jacket and left the room. If Marcus hadn’t called Bennett and didn’t come back, then he had to look for him. He was sure he hadn’t left the city yet. He had been too tired for that. He probably wasn’t even more than a few blocks from the house where Nico lived. Tomas would look for him and he didn’t intend to return to the motel without him.

 

Marcus woke up when it was still dark. He was shivering all over. The rain hadn’t stopped all night, forcing him to look for a shelter. In the end he had huddled in a narrow alley, shielded from the rain by two rooftops, trying to get some sleep. It had worked in part, but only for a few hours. To be honest, he was glad when the sun came up and he didn’t have to force his body to rest at least a bit. It wouldn’t have hurt to sit still. But he knew that Tomas would be looking for him and he had to go further...best out of the city. But he still couldn’t handle that.

He got up, wrapped his wet jacket around him and started walking. He didn’t pay attention to where he was going or who was crossing his path. He didn’t care about the looks of the people. Soon he would be gone and then no one would remember the man who had dragged himself through the streets, completely drenched and exhausted.

Around noon, Marcus found an abandoned house on the outskirts. It was run down and actually quite dilapidated. But he had had worse lodgings. In one room he even found a bed and instantly fell on it. The frame creaked as it was supposed to carry his weight. Marcus closed his eyes once more. He wished his clothes were dry, that the bed was a bit more comfortable, and Tomas...He shook his head to dispel that thought. Tomas had to disappear from his thoughts, otherwise he would never be able to move on. Here he quickly fell asleep, but just as quickly he was awake again.

When he opened his eyes, he had the feeling that he had slept for at most an hour, if not shorter. Tired, he looked around the room for the reason that had torn him from his sleep. Almost immediately his eyes fell on a figure standing in the doorway. Marcus sat up jerkily and stared at the man standing in the doorway in front of him. His heart was racing. What did he do here?

"How did you find me?", Marcus asked quietly and slid back on the bed until he felt the wall at his back.

"I know you", came the soft voice. "Why did you run away, Marcus?"

"You don’t understand...Tomas, I...", he paused, what should he say?

Tomas came over to him and sat on the bed, it didn’t crack, even as he slid closer to Marcus. He immediately felt unwell in the matter. He didn’t want to have him so close! He had just tried to accept that he would never see him again and now he was here sitting next to him. Gentle brown eyes looked at him. Why on earth, had they met in this life? In another, they could have been together...If Tomas had wanted it too.

"Try to explain", Tomas said, laying a hand on Marcus' arm.

He flinched from the touch and stood up. Only when he had brought enough distance between himself and Tomas, he could breathe freely again. He stood with his back to Tomas so he wouldn’t have to look in his eyes.

"I...I don’t know how", he mumbled. "You will hate me if you know the truth and I can’t live with that. It's just better that way. "

Strong arms were wrapped around his upper body and held him tight. Instantly he stiffened and wanted to free himself, but Tomas didn’t allow him.

"I could never hate you", he whispered in his ear.

"You don’t know that! You don’t know what I...", he broke off again.

Now was the ultimate opportunity to tell Tomas what he was doing...that the demon was right! That he did everything it had revealed to him. He would drive Tomas out of his life, confirming everything...because why would he want to stay? He was a better man and no one who committed such a sin. He would push him away, maybe even berate him and then disappear. But Marcus couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He didn’t want Tomas to leave and so longed for it! He didn’t want to plunge him into the damnation waiting for him.

 _God, help me_ , Marcus thought. But as always lately, God remained silent, leaving him to himself.

"Just let this happen", Tomas said, hugging him tighter.

"I can’t do that!", he replied.

Finally Marcus managed to break free. He backed away from Tomas until he felt the wall in his back again. It was a catching match and Marcus was sure he didn’t like it. He felt like a mouse, cornered by the cat.

"Why not? It's easy."

Easy? It was anything but _easy_! His life had _never been_ easy...It _wasn’t meant_ to be easy...He didn’t _deserve_ to live a easy life!

"Is it?", yelled Marcus, suddenly seized with anger. "Maybe for you! You hadn’t got it beaten into your head, that it is wrong! That it is a sin! That you go to hell for it...that you will never know God's grace. I still have scars on my back from the whips, that the priests dipped in holy water to drive out of me what you call easy!"

Tomas shook his head and came up to him. Marcus backed away from him again. He didn’t want to be touched...didn’t want Tomas touching him in any way. But quickly he found himself in a corner of the room again, without another way out. The image of the mouse reappeared in his mind.

"It's easy, believe me. Just let it happen", Tomas said, resting his hands next to his head.

Had he grown? Or had Marcus just made himself smaller to slip out under his arms. The next moment Tomas' lips were on Marcus' and for a secound all thoughts of escape were blown away. But then Marcus realized what they were doing and he turned his head to the side.

"Isn’t that what you want to do all the time?", Tomas asked and somehow his accent sounded wrong...Somehow everything was wrong.

Marcus jerked his head back to him. He reached for his face and looked deep into his eyes. Tomas looked back with a smile. There! There it was! His eyes were a bit too dark and also Tomas had no bright speckles around the iris! Now everything made sense. They never get his eyes right!

"You bastard!", yelled Marcus. "Get out of my head!"

"But Marcus, we were just having fun", now another grating voice sounded.

He pushed the wrong Tomas away from him and started to run to the door, when a hand was already around his neck and he was pressed against the wall.  
"I can give you everything you want", Tomas said, now in his own voice again...No! No, this wasn’t Tomas! "I know what you want."

A hand moved over his chest, to his waistband and finally between his legs. Marcus gasped in shock. The demon in Tomas' shape let go of his neck, instead grabbing his hair to pull his head back. Marcus whimpered, unable to move or defend himself.

"Believe me, I know exactly what you want."

The demon moved his hand and Marcus gasped again. His legs got weak...He had to resist. He had to resist!

"Leave me alone!", he growled, beating at the demon.

But it laughed and missed him a blow on the cheek. It had no idea that it had helped Marcus with it. Now his head was clearer again...He could think better, but that doesn’t make the situation any better. Now the demon let go of his hair and went to its knees before him.

"You want that", it said, licking its lips. "Nothing else. That's exactly what your dearest wish is. See Marky-Boy, you're lost. Hell is waiting for you, so why not have some fun before you get there?"

Marcus looked down at him, allowing him to undo his pants and bring his face closer to his crotch. He almost lost control. Tomas in this position...Shit, that was really something he wanted. But this was not Tomas, he reminded himself and pulled up his knee. He hit the demon directly on the chin. The concentration of the creature subsided and Marcus could finally move again. He ran, ran to the door and through, into the adjoining room. He ran on and on, thinking how stupid it was to run away from a demon. Nevertheless, he ran as fast as he could. Away, away, away from the wrong Tomas, who tried to seduce him. Away, because he knew he couldn’t stand him forever. He was about to leave the house when he was pushed face-first against a wall.

"You can’t just run away, Marky-Boy", the demon laughed and came up to him. "That's rude, you know that?"

The next moment his voice changed and Marcus' eyes widened as he recognized it. It was the voice of a boy...A ghost from the past and suddenly he was no longer in a dilapidated house, but in a forest and the wall in front of him, was no longer a wall, but a tree. An arm was wrapped around his neck and a body pressed against his back. His own hands were on the tree trunk, to hold himself steady. He couldn’t move again.

"You loved being held like that, remember, Keane? Whenever we did it, you wanted to be held that way", whispered Johna in his ear. "And how you loved it...you loved it too, if I did that when you came."

Marcus felt Johna bite his neck. His eyes closed and for a moment he really enjoyed it. Johna was the only one who knew what he liked...The only one he'd ever trusted. But also the only one who had died because of this...The only one who would have shared his punishments with him.

The next moment he lay on the ground and his back burned like fire. He knew the room he was lying in and he knew the pain, would never forget it. But that too was a spirit from the past. He had to stay in the here and now, wasn’t allowed to let the demon win...and then there was a bang and a new wave of pain flooded through his body.

"Only then can the devil be driven out", he heard Father Sean say. "Only then will your sins be forgiven."

"Please don’t...Please...It hurts! I beg you...Stop...", Marcus heard himself whimper and his voice sounded like that of a seventeen-year-old.

He turned on the floor and tried to get away from Father Sean. But that didn’t work. He was tied as they tied the possessed. Marcus couldn’t leave, he had never been able to escape...had always been tied up. The sharp snap of the whip sounded again and Marcus screamed. The leather bit into his skin and the holy water burned in the wounds. He knew he was bleeding and he knew that this torture would last for years.

"Only then will you come to Paradise", said Sean. "Only then you never will lust for men again. We will heal you and then your soul will be saved."

 _No_ , Marcus thought. _No, I don’t want to...Make it stop! Please...please, stop it!_

"Come here", whispered Tomas.

Chains rattled as they were removed from Marcus' hands and feet. Tomas embraced him and held him firmly against his chest. Marcus huddled in his embrace and buried his head on Tomas' chest. He cried like a child...Like the child he had never been and Tomas consoled him. Tomas held him tight. Tomas kissed his forehead and Tomas drove away all the ghosts of the past. It was wrong, it was wrong to let that happen! It was wrong to feel good about it. It was wrong! Tomas was wrong...This wasn’t Tomas!

"Let me in", it whispered, and Marcus didn’t had the strength to resist. "Let me help you."

"No", he whimpered. "No…"

He squinted and shook his head. Then there were lips on his and something leaked into his head like black honey. It settled over his thoughts, like black slime and couldn’t be dispelled anymore. The moment Marcus realized what was happening to him, it was already too late.

He closed his eyes and ran again, this time in his thoughts. He ran and ran until he came to a forest and in this forest he hid from the demon who had managed to nestle in his head. Because nobody would ever find him in this forest.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

"Five days, Bennett! Five! ", Tomas almost shouted into the phone. "Not a sign of Marcus! And you tell me to stay calm?! "

"It wouldn’t be the first time he just disappears and leaves someone behind", came the cold answer. "Marcus Keane isn’t made to work with someone on the long run, we recognized that early on. I just thought it would be different with you."

"And when does he usually call you after he's gone?"

There was a short silence. Bennett seemed to think.

"Usually after a week. So you have some patience. I'll get in touch when I hear from him."

He hung up and left Tomas alone with his worries. He threw the phone on his bed and clasped his hands in his hair. Five days without signs of Marcus...He was really worried. What if he had hurt himself and lay somewhere now and couldn’t get any further? Tomas just stood for a moment in the middle of the room. He had to gather strength. Strength to search for Marcus and strength for what he might find. Then he took his jacket and left the motel.

Something told him that Marcus was still in town. A feeling...the same feeling that had taken him to St. Aquinos back then. He trusted in this feeling. Marcus was somewhere in this city. He just had to look better.

The day before, he had started asking the people on the street for Marcus, but nobody seemed to have seen him. Unfortunately, he had no picture, but he could describe him very well. But he always got the same answers.

"I'm sorry, Father, I've never seen a man like that here."

"No, I don’t know anyone who fits your description."

"I keep my eyes open, Father. When I see him, you are the first to know. Of course, I would have to know your address for that. "

With a firm step, he continued his search. Marcus couldn’t hide forever.  


It was already midday when Tomas allowed himself a short break to eat something. He sat in a café and ate a sandwich when he picked up a few chats from the next table. There sat three women and talked excitedly together.

"…I've never seen something like that."

"Outside the city."

"What do you think?"

"Dogs! Definitely thirty and they all stood in front of the old Dali house. "

Forgotten was the sandwich, which was on his plate. Tomas jumped up and walked to the table. The three women looked at him as if he were  crazy and trying to kidnap them.

"Can you describe the way to this house for me?", he asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Why do you want to go there?", one of the women wanted to know.

"I want to...look for my dog. He ran away a few days ago and I would really do anything to find him again."

Now the looks of the three became even more suspiciously.

"Please", Tomas said in a pleading voice.

"You have to follow the main road. Which leads out of the city. At the last row of houses you have to turn left and continue straight ahead. You can’t miss the dogs. They have been there for two days and don’t want to leave the place, no matter what you do."

Tomas thanked them and started walking. His steps got faster, the longer he ran. A terrible thought seized him and didn’t want to let him go again. Wild dogs were a sign of a demon...Tomas hoped his fear wouldn’t be confirmed. He didn’t know how to deal with it if it happened...

The thought nested in his mind, almost driving him mad. He wanted to run faster, but can’t. He ran every morning, he should have been faster! It was almost half an hour before he finally came to the area where the house stood. The woman was right. He couldn’t miss the house. It was old and dilapidated, Tomas was afraid it would collapse at any moment. He hadn’t seen such a rundown house for a long time. Dogs stood in the garden and on the street, staring at it. There was a sustained growl and whine and Tomas almost wouldn’t have gone one step further, when four of the dogs turned to him and barked. But his anxiety grew with each passing minute that he stood, and finally he simply ran past the dogs. To his surprise, they made no move to attack him. On the contrary, they even backed away from him.

Tomas entered the house and immediately heard a sound that seemed more than familiar to him. It was the rattle breathing of a possessed. With trembling legs he ran through the rooms, searching for him and sending prayer after prayer to God.

_Please, don’t let it be Marcus! Everyone, but not him. He didn’t deserve that! Please...don’t him._

It wasn’t long before there was only one room left. Tomas stopped at the door and took a deep breath. There was still a chance that nobody was here at all. Then he would have only imagined the rattle breathing and the dogs were here for another reason. Besides, even if there really was a possessed man in this room, it didn’t mean that it was Marcus.

Tomas swallowed hard and took a step into the room. The first thing he saw was a black leather jacket lying on the floor. He recognized it immediately and tears filled his eyes. That couldn’t be...no, that wasn’t real! It couldn’t be Marcus.

"Who do we have here?", came the raspy voice of his friend. "Father Tomas Ortega."

Tomas' eyes fell on the darkest corner of the room, from which the voice had come. There was a figure sitting on the ground staring at him with ice-blue eyes. Marcus didn’t move a millimeter, just looked at him.

"Marcus", Tomas whispered, taking a step toward his friend.

"Marcus, Marcus...Marcus hasn’t been here for a while now...He's hiding, but I'll find him", mumbled the creature who was wearing Marcus' body as a disguise.

"Release him!", Tomas roared, but that only made the demon laugh.

A distorted laugh that sounded like Marcus and not. A laugh that Tomas would never get out of his head again. Marcus jumped up and wanted to punch Tomas, but he didn’t get far. With an angry howl it stood there and tried to get to Tomas. Confused, he looked at it. Then he noticed something. The demon stood sideways, with one arm stretched away from him. Tomas took two steps to the side and saw that handcuffs snaked around the Demon's right hand and through the link of an iron chain. The iron chain was attached to an exposed metal pipe. So it couldn’t rush to him. Marcus probably had still some control over his body. At least he'd been in control as long as it took, to chain himself.

"So he's still here", Tomas said firmly.

"He was here. Not anymore", the demon hissed. "And if I find him, he will disappear forever."

Tomas reached into his pocket and pulled out his cross. He held it in front of him like a shield. Something told him that the demon wasn’t strong, only very good at getting into the memories of his victims and twisting them. He would drive him out and get Marcus back.

"Lord, hear my prayer and let my cry come to you! Do not hide your face from me in distress, bow your ears to me; if I call you, hear me!"

It was never easy to face a posessed person, no matter how many times Tomas had done it yet. But this time it was even harder. Not because he feared that the house would collapse at every moment. Not because he was alone against a demon...No, but because he had to fight it within the person he loved most!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For them who noticed it: Yes...I took the part from my 30 Days Challenge, from the Hugging-Chapter xD


	5. Can I save a fallen angel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already five chapters :O I can`t belive it! What are you thinking about this Story? Is there anything I can do better? Please tell me 'cause I really want this to be good. 
> 
> Also have you heard that you can preorder both seasons of The Exorcist on DVD at Amazon?!!! The release date is on July 10! I already preordered both and can't wait to see our lovely Exorcist on TV again <3  
> I'm so hoping that AmazonPrime picks up the Series!!

"What are you going to do about me? You're just a worthless man, not even a real exorcist", the demon growled.

Tomas stood with his back against the wall, struggling for breath. The demon had just flung him across the room and slammed him against the wall. For a few terrible seconds he couldn’t breathe and the panic already took possession of him. But then his eyes fell on Marcus and he stared back at him with clear eyes...For the first time in four days, he had managed to push the demon into the background and was himself, if only for a few moments.

"Marcus", whispered Tomas, hoping not to disturb his concentration.

"I'm sorry," he murmured in a strangled voice and Tomas saw tears in his eyes.

"Stay with me, Marcus”, he said quickly, running to his side.

"I am so sorry…"

"Stay with me. Listen to my voice, Marcus. You have to fight it, you have to! Do you hear me?! We will defeat it together! "

The next moment Tomas was grabbed by the throat and pushed against the wall behind him.

"Poor creature!", growled the demon, licking its lips. "But one thing I have to admit. Marcus has a very good taste. You look really delicious."

Tomas looked at it in confusion. What did they all mean? The last demons had always said something like that too.

"Ha! You don’t know?", the demon laughed, bringing Marcus' face closer to his. The next time it spoke, Marcus' voice sounded. "You are so naive, Tomasito! That's so sweet, I'm sick of it!"

Then it pressed his lips to Tomas' and he instantly stiffened. Marcus certainly wouldn’t want that...He was married to God for so many decades! He wouldn’t break his vows for him and Tomas would never persuade him to...He was happy and satisfied with everything Marcus gave him, but he would never accept if his friend did something he didn’t want, just to do him a favor. That's why Tomas didn’t address his feelings. That's why he had buried them deep in his heart and would never give in to them. He loved Marcus for so long now and didn’t admit it...couldn’t…didn’t dare to accept the feelings. Marcus was a righteous priest. It would only burden their friendship if Tomas admitted that he loved him. The demon laughed again.

"You two are so fucking stupid! It would be almost as amusing to release Marcus and watch how you are ruining yourself, because you two have so much self-doubts! On the other hand, it is much more amusing to reveal Marcus' darkest secret and watch you try to break him free. If I tell you, he will not fight me anymore, because he thinks you'll hate him for that."

The demon finally released Tomas' throat. He fell panting and coughing on his knees and stayed there. What did it mean? Which secret? Marcus had so many in his heart, which was probably the least for his ears? Tomas looked at the demon with fiery eyes.  
"If Marcus does not want me to know the secret, he has his reasons! I don’t want to hear it! Keep it for yourself, you spawn of hell!”, he shouted, even though curiosity was trying to dig holes in his will.

"But you want to know why he's not going to fight anymore. He already stopped! He's not fighting, because he's ashamed...because I used your face to lure him out. To lower his walls and get into his head. I have used your face to destroy him. He is ashamed of his feelings and his lust. Did you know that he is lusting over you, that he sins with your image in his head and with your name on his lips?", said the demon. "He used to moan your name more often than he said it normally, and with each shower he took, he satisfied himself and imagined you were touching him."

Tomas stared at it with wide eyes. He didn’t believe it...That couldn’t be. But the demon in Nico has spoken similar words. Could it be? Marcus really felt something for him? Were they both so stupid?

 _Demons don’t lie, Tomas_. _They always tell the truth, because they know that it is more painful than any lie_ , Marcus once told him. _They are fed by the shame we feel and promise to eliminate this shame. They show you what your heart desires most and always keep you so far away that you can almost touch it. Sooner or later, you give in, just to get it and then you're lost._

"It's true what he told you", the demon said and squatted down in front of Tomas. "You are what he wants most and I hold you just so far from him that he can see, hear and maybe even smell you. But he will never be able to hold you in his arms."

With a scream Tomas threw himself forward and pushed the demon on its back. He quickly knelt over it, holding its wrists to the floor. An angry scream came over its lips, but Tomas wasn’t impressed. He sensed that the demon couldn’t free himself from his grip and took full advantage of this fact. With a determined look, he stared in the eyes of it.

"God help me to free this man from the clutches of evil! Save your child and guide him through the darkness that has taken possession of him", he shouted. "I’m beggin’ you, free the man I love most and bring him back to me."

"Do you think your god is helping this fagot? He helped him once and as thanks Marcus turned away from him! God isn’t merciful! He is an ungracious judge and he has long given up on this man!”, the demon growled, fighting Tomas' grip again.

But he didn’t give up, on the contrary. He rested all his weight on the body of the man below him, to keep him still. Anger exploded in him as he heard the words of the demon. God would never let Marcus down! Marcus was his greatest supporter, even though his faith was often put to a test...even though his faith was staggering at the moment. God would never leave him and Tomas wouldn’t neither. He pulled a hand of the demon under his knee and held it there. So he had a hand free and could paint the sign of the cross on Marcus’ forehead. Again and again he drew it and muttered prayers in his mother tongue. He wouldn’t give up and he knew that Marcus didn’t give up too.

"Almighty Father bring down your fair punishment for this demon of the underworld and drive it from the earth."

"Don’t make me laugh! Fair punishment! We are the fair punishment for you humans! I am the fair punishment for a bastard like Marcus! God will not save him!"  
"Lord, our God, whoever has broken with you, he can return to you, for nothing is incurable before you; irrevocably alone is your love. "

"You will not save him! You can’t!", the demon snapped at Tomas' hand.

However, he went on undeterred.

"We ask you, remember your name, that we may convert to you and be our father. We are always given new life, like an undeserved happiness from day to day and for all time."

 

Marcus thought it would be good to hide. His instinct had decided, without him being able to argue against it. He was standing behind the trees at the edge of the forest all the time, watching the demon as it walked along it. It looked like a human, but his movements were not quite as fluid, somehow choppy and his skin seemed burned everywhere.

"Marcus! Marcus! Come out", he purred, after what felt like days, with Tomas' voice. "Marcus! I'm waiting! You can’t hide forever!"

Goosebumps ran over Marcus' body as he heard the beloved voice. It was strangely distorted, not exactly Tomas', yet close enough to the true voice that his feet took a step forward. He had stepped out of the shadows of the trees into the sun. The next moment the creature's head jerked in his direction and an unnatural laugh sounded.

"There you are", the demon growled in his own distorted voice and ran supernaturally fast toward him. "I knew your beloved Tomas would lure you out again."

Marcus was petrified. He couldn’t move, couldn’t step back into the shelter of the trees. He was trapped in place and could do nothing but watch the demon get closer and closer. It only felt like a few seconds, until it was standing right in front of him and Marcus could smell his burned skin. Its hand suddenly grabbed Marcus' throat and took his breath away. He tried to breathe slowly but couldn’t. Marcus felt his senses dwindle. But then a strange feeling gave him strength, he could see a light behind the demon and finally he could feel his body again. He hit the demon in the face and was torn forward by the force of the blow. They both fell to the ground and in seconds the demon was perched on top of him and again took the air out of him. Desperately, Marcus struck his hands. He wasn’t allowed to let him win. Then he grabbed his wrists and tried to pull his hands from his neck, but the demon just laughed.

"Do you think you're that strong?", he growled. "Maybe you were once! There was a time when no demon would have dared to compete against you! But now? Take a look at yourself! possessed by a third-rate demon like me! I admit that I am not more. But hell, I could do what the most powerful of us weren’t able to.”

He squeezed harder and Marcus lost all feeling of his body again. He had trouble keeping his eyes open...He couldn’t lose! Not against a demon! That wasn’t allowed to happen!

"You're worthless!", the demon spat in his face, with a voice that belonged to his father. "You are nothing!" Then his mother's voice sounded. "We never wanted you! We didn’t want a child! We were so happy...and then you were there...I curse myself every day that I got you! Your father was right, I should have aborted you!"

Tears came into Marcus' eyes. He knew these words, he knew them! The demon in Casey Rance had also told him. Even so, it hurt to hear that truth. He knew very well that neither his mother nor his father wanted him. But to hear that fact spoken aloud, was like someone ramming and twisting a knife into his heart.

"You're worthless, Marcus!", this time it was the voice of Father Sean that cursed him. "God has chosen you to do his work on earth and what are you doing ?! You lust for men! I will drive the gay out of you! There is no greater sin! You're no use to anything, when you stay the way you are!"

And as if the words weren’t enough, he felt the pain of the whip on his back again. A whimper came over his lips and he almost tried again to retreat into his thoughts, but then he heard the demon's triumphant laugh and pulled himself together. The creature wasn’t allowed to win! He had to keep fighting.

"Look at you", Tomas' voice cut through his thoughts and suddenly he felt a hand gently on his cheek.  
Startled, he opened his eyes and saw Tomas kneeling over him. His hand stroked Marcus' cheek and his eyes looked lovingly down on him. Marcus couldn’t believe what he saw! Tomas couldn’t be here...never!

"Tomas", he whispered anxiously. Maybe his partner would disappear if he spoke too loud.

"You lie here and get beaten by a puny demon. What has become of you? I really thought you were stronger...On the other hand, you can’t expect much from such a fagot as you. I should never have got involved with you. "

He wasn’t allowed to be beaten by the demon, because he knew it was not really Tomas. That couldn’t be! Tomas could’t get into his thoughts…That just couldn’t happen! In addition, the voice was slightly distorted again, a clear sign that not Tomas but the demon talked to him.

The next moment the situation changed completely. Marcus heard another voice. A well-known, beloved voice and this time it was real, undistorted. It seemed to come from outside of his thoughts and it prayed. It prayed for him and fought with sacredly words against the demon who held him as a prisoner in his own body.

"Tomas", Marcus whispered, closing his eyes.

He didn’t give up, because if Tomas fought the demon in the real world, Marcus couldn’t allow the creature to win in this world, otherwise Tomas would be in mortal danger. He closed his eyes to focus on the voice as it gave him strength. He managed to free the demon's hands from his neck and toss it down. He managed to stand over it and give it some kicks and punches. Yes, he even managed to keep the demon on the ground and regained control of his body.

Suddenly he was no longer at the edge of a forest and the demon was no longer under him. No, he was in the house where he had sheltered. In front of him, leaning against the wall, stood Tomas, struggling for breath. He had a black eye, he could see scratches on his neck and deep scratches on his right arm. Tears came to Marcus' eyes when he saw, what he had done to Tomas.

He knew it was his fault and that Tomas would always deny it. But he had allowed the demon to enter his thoughts, even if it wasn’t intentional. The demon had tricked him. But Marcus should have known these tricks! Damn he had been an exorcist since childhood, he'd seen and experienced every trick before! But as usual for demons, it had also struck when its victim was at the low point of his life and had made promises to him...Had used his past, even though Marcus had sworn that he would never allow the past as weapon against him. In the end, this oath had brought nothing. He was broken and the demon held him tight in its grip. All he could do was fight and hope that Tomas could save him...again. Because he had saved him once, the moment he showed up in St. Aquinus and gave him a new task...the moment he believed in him, even though he knew that God had left him and taken his gift away.

"Marcus", he heard Tomas whisper.

He wanted to tell him so much...especially that he had to tie him better. You couldn’t allowed the demon to have so much leeway! It wasn’t allowed to inflict more wounds on him. He would never forgive himself! He also had to tie his other hand, preferably on another pipe, so that it couldn’t pull on the one and same with all his strength. If so, the pipe wouldn’t last for long. But the only thing that came to his lips was:

"I am sorry…"

"Stay with me, Marcus", Tomas said, almost rushed to his side.

"I am so sorry…"

He wanted nothing more than to embrace his friend and apologize a hundred times! But the demon prevented it.

"Stay with me. Listen to my voice, Marcus. You have to fight it, you have to!", Tomas shouted as Marcus's mind lost its hold. Far away, like an echo from a bygone era, he picked up Tomas' remaining words. "Do you hear me?! We will defeat it together! "

"Never!", the demon under Marcus laughed and hit him so hard against the leg that Marcus thought it was broken.

With a cry, he fell aside and held his leg. It also looked broken. But instead of worrying about it, Marcus' mind made a mental note. _So they injures their victims_. This was a new realization and Marcus hoped that he could pass this knowledge on to other exorcists at some point. But now he had other problems. He heard the laughter of the demon again and suddenly he was no longer lying on the ground in front of the forest. No, he saw the room where Tomas fought the demon, as if he were standing there too. However, he couldn’t move again and was forced to watch the scene that unfolded in front of him. He had to watch helplessly as the demon revealed his darkest secret. Even the hint of it, wiped away any fighting spirit in Marcus. Tomas wouldn’t help him if he knew. It would be the second demon to reveal it to him...Now he would surely believe it.

Marcus wanted to turn away, didn’t want to watch Tomas react...not wanting to hear him leave the room and leave him to his own fate. But he couldn’t turn away. A power held him in place. He couldn’t even close his eyes.

 _Is that your punishment?,_ Marcus yelled in his thought. _I deserve it, I know...But I'm selfish...I don’t want to lose Tomas! Please, God, do not take him away! Stop this creature of hell before it destroys everything! Please! I implore you! Do not take Tomas too! I’m beggin’!_

But no divine power stopped the demon. God let him blur out Marcus' darkest secret and didn’t even do anything against Marcus' rigidity. He saw Tomas' eyes widen as the demon spoke.

"…He is ashamed of his feelings and his lust. Did you know that he is lusting over you? That he sins with your picture in his mind and your name on his lips. He used to moan your name more often than he said it normally, and with each shower he took, he satisfied himself and imagined you were touching him."

Marcus' will shattered like glass on stone. Tomas would hate him! Tomas would leave him! What use was there to fight? Alone, he wouldn’t be able to defeat the demon and he didn’t endure an eternal ordeal. All his life he was tormented by his parents, the church, the priests, the reproaches, the opinions that were not his own but were beaten into him, by the boys in the boys' home...by demons and nightmares. There wasn’t a moment when he had felt no pain. He was tired of fighting. His last glimmer of hope would disappear as soon as Tomas disappeared.

The demon appeared before his eyes. He was standing right in front of his own body, which was still perched opposite Tomas. The creature looked down at him, baring his teeth in a scary laugh.

"You give up?”, it asked, cocking its head.

Marcus could only nod. He was capable of nothing else. Then the demon held out a burned hand and laughed again.

"Hit in, it's all over. Your pain, your suffering will come to an end and you will be free. Hit in and enjoy your eternal rest. "

Marcus raised his hand and just as he was about to shake the demons, he saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. He wouldn’t have been interested if the demon hadn’t wavered in front of him. It stumbled backwards and suddenly fell to the ground. Marcus looked at him in confusion, then his gaze shifted to Tomas. He was astonished to see, that his partner was sitting over his body and pushing him down to the ground. He could hear the scream of the demon who had taken possession of his body.

"God help me to free this man from the clutches of evil! Save your child and guide him through the darkness that has taken possession of him ", Tomas called in a firm voice. "I’m beggin’ you, free the man I love most and bring him back to me."

Tears came back to his eyes. Tomas didn’t leave him. He stayed and he kept fighting the demon. Weeping, Marcus watched as Tomas put a hand to the side of his face and with his thumb painting the sign of the cross on his forehead.

"Almighty Father bring down your fair punishment for this demon of the underworld and drive it from the earth."

 _I was wrong, God. Forgive me_ , Marcus silently asked for forgiveness. _I thank you from the bottom of my heart. My God, if I had known that Tomas...that would never have happened._

Marcus gathered all his strength and struggled to his feet. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he stood again in front of the forest. The demon was lying on the ground in front of him, staring up at him hatefully. Marcus looked at him coldly.

"I'll destroy you", he said firmly, kneeling over him as Tomas knelt over Marcus's body in the real world.

He knew which prayers Tomas was reciting and he could almost guess where he should be by now. So he decided to join. He placed a hand on the  side of the demon's face and also drew the sign of the cross on his forehead.

 

They prayed together and both felt the other. Marcus felt Tomas at his side and Tomas could feel Marcus' spirit, who stood beside him. They prayed all day long and deep into the night. It wasn’t until well past midnight that the demon's resistance died away and Marcus lay still beneath Tomas, his eyes closed and breathing quietly.

"For the Lord your God is merciful, and will not turn his face from you when you turn to him", whispered Tomas, trying not to close his eyes. "Approach God, he will approach you. Cleans your hands, you sinners, and sanctify your hearts, you fickle ones. "

When Marcus remained calm, he took the chance and pulled him all the way to the wall. Carefully, he loosened the chain, which was looped around the pipe in the wall and pulled it in addition behind the pipe of the heating. Then he put it around Marcus' left wrist and locked it with a padlock, which he had already taken out of his backpack on the second day. This was the first opportunity to tie Marcus differently. At least now the demon couldn’t inflict any more scratch marks on him. In addition, Tomas believed that they would finish it soon. Maybe one more day. If Marcus continued to fight at his side, it wouldn’t take much longer. But for now he could allow himself some sleep. He would need his strength, he sensed it too.


	6. Love can change the world in a moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a little longer this time. I was bussy at work and couldn't write that much -.-'  
> I hope you like the new chapter :D

The minutes passed and became hours and finally days. Tomas always stayed at Marcus' side, even when he slept. After the seventh day, his confidence began to waver a little. Would he be really enough to save Marcus from the demon? But on the evening of the same day, his friend briefly regained control of his body and thanked him with tears in his eyes. It tore Tomas' heart, as only minutes later the voice of the demon resounded.

"You will not manage to drive me out. I waited too long for this! Why should I release Marcus now?", it hissed, pulling on its shackles.

"We will destroy you“, Tomas replied, now full of confidence again.

If Marcus could push back the demon again, it meant that it was weakening. They could do it! Tomas didn‘t know what to do if he would loos Marcus...He couldn‘t imagine a world without him. So it was not an option to lose him. They had to manage to free Marcus from the demon!

In addition, his supply of food and water was scarce. On the second day, after finding Marcus, Tomas had gone to the nearest store and bought as much food and water as he could carry. It wasn‘t much, especially as he had to feed Marcus with it too. It would be enough for three more days, then he had to shop again. But Tomas didn‘t want to leave Marcus alone. He didn‘t know what the demon would do. It could hurt Marcus at this time, maybe even lethal, and he wouldn‘t be there to help. So he set himself a limit. He had to make it in three days. His prayers had to get stronger and he couldn‘t let his confidence sink! Then the rest wouldn‘t be a problem.

Tomas picked up Marcus' Bible and began to quote the verses. The demon bit its lip and squirmed on the ground. It was clear that it was in pain and Tomas was sure he would make it soon. It wouldn‘t be long. The demon was weakening, he sensed it.

"In the end, I'll win", the demon choked, baring its teeth. "Marcus will be eradicated from the earth and you...Father Tomas, the rising star, you will fall and crash on the cliffs of your guilt, like a glass. Two birds with one stone."

Tomas cocked his head and looked him straight in the eye. At that moment, he even felt some pity for the being in front of him. It had to be terrible to turn away from its God and thus to live its life as a creature of hell. If demons wanted to do something, they had to take possession of a human and even then, it was not clear that they could finish their project. Tomas didn’t thought there was any good in their doing, in no way! So many people had died because of them...just because they were angry, stubborn kids who were taken their toys away. But he found the thought extremely frustrating, that just about every project failed and you didn‘t have anyone to help you. He felt no sympathy for them all, only deep pity, for they would never see the radiant face of God again...only their own death.

"...I command you, you spawn of the devil, depart from this child of God and let him live in peace!"

He kept on going from minutes to hours. It was night and soon the moon shone through the window on the left side of the room. It dipped Marcus in a faint white light and for the first time Tomas noticed how emaciated and sick his friend looked. The demon was just asleep and Marcus also seemed to be resting, otherwise he would have taken his body back and talked to Tomas. He could only guess how his friend was doing...trapped in his own body, unable to do anything against the thing who had declared itself the merciless guardian of his prison.

Shortly after Marcus succeeded in driving the demon back for the first time, it nearly broke his friend's leg. Marcus just stared at his leg and laughed as he tilted it aside. Tomas could barely hold it so it would‘t break. Nevertheless, the ankle cracked audibly. Worried, Tomas looked at the foot, though he thought it wasn‘t broken. But he couldn’t be sure.

"And if I have to take him apart piece by piece“, the demon snarled grinning. "You will not get him back again!"

"I will not abandon you, Marcus", said Tomas and laid a hand in Marcus neck.

The demon just laughed again and looked at him with stubborn eyes. At that piont, Tomas didn‘t think he had to deal with the creature for five more days.

 

 

Marcus felt a burning pain on his left arm. As he looked down, his skin gaped just above his pulse vein and blood dripped from his arm to the floor. A strange calmness had settled in him, as if he had mastered a task he had long worked on...A task that had been very important. He wanted to exhale with relief, if it weren‘t for that cut that kept his life flowing out of him. He had to do something about it, he had to get to a doctor quickly! His legs were already trembling and a leaden heaviness settled in his head, that could force him to his knees by any time.

He raised his head and looked at his surroundings. Relief spread in him like cool water. He knew the area very well. Marcus was standing right in front of Tomas‘ house. He just had to go to his apartment, then everything would be fine. Tomas had a first aid kit in his bath. He could help him. The steps to the frontdoor were one agony and Marcus wondered how he got there. No matter! He just had to go up the stairs and then Tomas would help him. Somehow he managed not to stumble or tumble, even though the ground had decided to start spinning like a carousel. When Tomas‘ apartment arrived, he knocked so hard he could against the door.

"Tomas! It's me, Marcus...I...I need your help...", he called out of breath.

But inside the apartment nothing happened. Maybe Tomas wasn‘t home? Marcus cursed. He didn‘t think he was able to break the door as hard as his hands were shaking. Then he remembered that Tomas had given him a second key, just so he _didn‘t_ always break the door. However, he didn‘t know if he had taken the key with him.

Marcus sent a prayer to God and reached into his pocket. Relieved, he closed his eyes as he touched the cool metal. He took the key from his pocket and unlocked the door. Inside, it was quiet and Marcus wasted no time to see if Tomas might have been home and just hadn‘t heard him. He felt himself grow weaker and knew that it wouldn‘t be long before he fainted. The blood loss could demand its price any moment.

Swaying he found the way to the bathroom. There he dropped to the floor in front of the sink and opened the cupboard underneath. He quickly pulled out the first aid box and opened it. The cut had been pulled vertically, so it was too difficult to sew by himself. But somehow he had to stop the bleeding. His brain worked too slowly, his hands were too fidgety and weak to open the package of the bandage. The blood kept running down his arm, forming a small pool on the floor by now. He thought he would have to die in this bath when he suddenly heard a noise behind him.

"Marcus?", Tomas' bewildered voice sounded.

Marcus had never been so happy in his life, to see another human being. Tomas was at home and could help him. Tomas would stop the bleeding and then they could see further...He would probably have to go to a hospital, to get the wound sewed. If Tomas would go with him, then Marcus could even persuade himself to go. If only his counterpart knew how important he was to him. Marcus trusted him with his life and he knew he wasn‘t wrong about that. Tomas was probably the only person on earth whom Marcus trusted so much, that he came to him with an injury and showed him his vulnerable side.

"What happened?", Tomas wanted to know, but made no effort to help him.

"I...don‘t know", Marcus said, noticing for the first time, that he really didn‘t know. The whole situation seemed familiar, as if he had experienced it before...A déjà vu…

"Why are you still here, Marcus? Why didn‘t you surrender to the demon?", Tomas whispered. "Are you so worthless that you can‘t even serve as a vessel for a demon."

Marcus' world shattered into a thousand pieces when he felt a kick against his head and was torn to one side. His head hit the tile floor and made him see stars. With a pained gasp he turned on his back and tried to keep his eyes open. Tomas stood over him and laughed. As Marcus tried to sit up, he put a foot on his chest and pushed him back to the ground. With all his weight he leaned on Marcus, who simply didn‘t understand what was going on. Tomas was his friend, the person he most trusted.

That was wrong! Tomas would never have done that! He would have helped him and wouldn‘t have left his side, until he was sure that Marcus survived the night. Everything about this situation was wrong! Tomas would never react that way. He wouldn‘t let him bleed to death on the bathroom floor...Tomas laughed as his senses faded and in that moment Marcus was sure that it was all just a mirage. It wasn‘t his Tomas, but the demon and he almost let him win.

"Get out of my head!", growled Marcus angrily, beating at the demon's leg.

He stumbled backwards, but was able to stand on his feet and only laughed at Marcus' pitiful attempt to somehow harm him.

"But it's so funny here", it chuckled. "Tormenting the great Marcus Keane is better than anything else!"

Marcus bared his teeth and pushed himself up from the floor. It took tons of willpower to hold his head up and look the demon in its black eyes. But he wasn‘t about to give up. If he did, Tomas would die and that was something he couldn‘t allow.

Somehow he had to get rid of the demon! His prayers didn‘t help...Maybe God had really abandoned him? But he could also defend himself differently...He had to defend himself differently and if it was only for Tomas.

Marcus grabbed the wrong Tomas by the collar, pulled him in and threw him with all his strength to the side. His head thundered on the sink and he could hear the creature's skull break. As the demon straightened, thick, jet-black blood ran down the left side of its face and dripped to the floor. His skull was dented on that side, like a tin can that had been held too tight. He laughed and reached out a hand for Marcus.

But Marcus had the feeling that the demon's grip on his mind had loosened. He could breathe more freely, think more concentrated. The illusion of Tomas' apartment began to waver and suddenly they were back in front of Marcus' forest. He knew what he had to do. He had to kill the wrong Tomas to escape the stranglehold of the demon, because Tomas was his biggest weakness.

"I'm sorry", he whispered anyway, because it was still Tomas' image that stood in front of him.

Even if it was just a mirage, created by the demon to seduce him and give him access to his thoughts, he had the feeling that he really was facing Tomas and fighting him...killing him, that took all his remaining willpower.

"Don‘t bother Marcus", the words gurgled from the demon's throat. "You will not defeat me...none of you will do it."

"We will see!"

With a cry Marcus threw himself on the wrong Tomas and tore it to the ground. The demon roared in fright, trying to get him off it. He reared up under Marcus and wanted to put his knees under him to throw him away, but that didn‘t work. Marcus sat on his pelvis and held him with all his weight on the ground. He pulled out and thundered his clenched fist in the face of the demon. The head of the wrong Tomas flew to the side and more black blood streamed from the wound on its head. Again and again Marcus struck, until the face of the demon was swollen and much more like a bloody mass. The demon laughed the whole time. Another blow and Marcus heard a sharp crack. The head of the wrong Tomas rolled unnaturally limp aside and the laughing stopped immediately. Marcus knew that sight...It had burned itself into his brain, when he saw Johna with a broken neck.

Trembling, he let out a breath and let himself drop to the side. With tears in his eyes he stared into the sky. He had won, he had defeated the demon...But why was he still here? Something was wrong. Actually, he should have regained control of his body. Nevertheless, he lay here, in front of a thought-out forest, on a thought-out meadow and didn‘t know what was going on. The demon lay dead beside him. So why wasn‘t he back in the real world?

Even before Marcus could begin to think more about it, one hand grabbed his throat and instantly cut off any air. With his eyes wide open and his mouth open to gasp, he lay there, staring into the face above him.

Tomas knelt over him, his head rolling limp and unsteadily from side to side as he laughed. The demon's face had twisted into a grimaced grin. Black blood dripped Marcus on the face and burned his skin like molten metal. He wanted to scream, but no sound came from his lips. The edge of his field of vision began to flicker and turned reddish at first, then black, and finally it narrowed more and more. The last thing Marcus saw was Toma's grotesque, disfigured face and the last thing he heard was the demon's laugh.

"If I can‘t have you, then he also will not get you", it laughed and finally the whole world blackened around him.

 

 

Only two minutes ago, the demon had moaned in pain. Blood was dripping from his eyes and ears, and if Tomas hadn‘t known that the injuries were unlikely to hurt Marcus, he would have gone mad with worry. Not that he wasn‘t worried, but at least it was a sign that Marcus was fighting the demon and that gave him strength. Marcus hadn‘t given up yet, even though the demon was already in his head for the ninth day and surley fucked him up in every possible way.

But now...Now he lay motionless on the floor, his eyes closed and Tomas was sure that Marcus‘ chest didn‘t rise and fall. He wasn‘t breathing anymore!

"Marcus? Marcus! Oh God, please don‘t! Please...Marcus! ", Tomas yelled at his friend, who had just collapsed on the ground, gasping for air.

He had put to fingers on Marcus' throat to feel his pulse. But he couldn‘t find anything! Maybe it was because his hands were shaking so he couldn‘t feel the pulse properly. What should he do now? The demon had him firmly under control. Tomas pulled Marcus to the ground completely. It was ages ago that he had been on a first aid course. But he could vaguely remember what to do. At first, he overstretched Marcus' neck, to keep the respiratory tract free, then he knelt beside him and began the heart-lung massage. The song with the right rhythm for it just didn‘t come to his mind, even though he had had an earwig after the course for three days. At least he remembered that he had to press thirty times and then breathe twice. But nothing happened.

"Come on, Marcus...Come on! You can‘t give up now! Do you hear?! Open your eyes! Breathe!", Tomas shouted at him, as he started the heart-lung massage again. "You can‘t give up... you are needed here! I need you...I need you!"

Tears started to roll down his cheeks and dripped on Marcus chest and face. Again, he performed a mouth to mouth resuscitation, but again, nothing happened. A third and fourth time, Tomas tried without success. But he didn‘t give up that fast. God would help him and bring Marcus back, he believed.

"Son of the morning, banished from grace, you will be forgiven. Profane thing, ashes on the earth, you are redeemed. Outcast, fallen angel, you are loved. You are forgiven. You are redeemed. You are loved!"

Tomas said the words over and over again. His faith was unbroken. God would give him Marcus back!

"Marcus, you're loved!", he whispered with so much emphasis that it was louder than any scream. "I love you, do you hear me? Marcus, I love you...Come back to me...Please...Please don’t leave me alone…"

A shiver ran through Marcus‘ body, so gently that Tomas thought he had imagined it. But the next moment he felt Marcus chest heaving as he took a deep breath, sucked it in, as if he had been drowning. For a moment he lay still on the ground, eyes wide and in shock, the next he tried to crawl away from Tomas.

"You will not get me", he gasped, trying to push himself up against the wall, but his body didn‘t obey him.

Tomas carefully reached out a hand for him, which made Marcus all the more anxious.

"Get out of my head...Get lost!", he shouted, but his voice broke after the third word and became a harsh croak.

"Marcus, it's me...It's really me", Tomas said softly and slid closer to him, but Marcus didn‘t seem to believe him.

"That's what the others always said..."

He pulled at the chains Tomas had wrapped around his wrists and became even more panicked. Tomas thought feverishly about how he could prove to him that he was real and not an image of the demon, trying to take over his body again. Eventually, he spotted a piece of broken glass that was within reach and picked it up.

"Marcus ..."

"You can torture me as long as you want! You will not get my body! You will not…get me…", he growled, but looked anxiously at the shard.

 _God, what did this demon do to him?,_ Tomas thought as he saw his reaction.

"Demons always bleed black, right? The ones we helped say that and you mumbled it as well when you…", he broke off, unable to put into words what had happened to Marcus. "Look."

He put the shard on his right forearm and cut into the skin. Immediately, red blood gathered around the cut and ran down his arm. A drop dripped from his arm and even before it reached the floor, Marcus had thrown himself forward and clasped his hands in Tomas' shirt. He had buried his head on his chest and was sobbing unceasingly. Tomas wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. They both cried until they had no more tears to shed.

It was already dark when they parted and Tomas took the key for the handcuffs out of his pocket. He opened the handcuffs and finally took them from Marcus. Only now did he notice that these had cut into his wrists. Blood was dripping and Marcus could do nothing but stare at the cuts. Quickly Tomas brought the first aid kit from his backpack and put a pressure bandage on each wrist. Marcus watched him blankly. Even when Tomas treated the other wounds, he didn‘t move. Only the twitching, when Tomas's touch or the pressure of a bandage hurt too much, was a sign that Marcus was still alive...that and the steady sound of his rattling breath.

"We should get out of here", Tomas said as he finished the last wound. "I would like to take you to a hospital."

"No!", that was the first real reaction, since the two had stopped crying. "No...I can‘t...I…I want...", Marcus paused and seemed to be searching for words, he didn’t think of. "Please Tomas...I..."

"Alright, I know you don‘t want to go to the hospital. We're looking for a motel nearby."

"No one will give us a room, the way we look...", Marcus murmured, lowering his eyes again.

Tomas just smiled warmly at him.

"You'll be amazed how helpful people can be, if you let them."

He pulled Marcus to his feet and put his arm around his shoulders, so he wouldn‘t have to burden his maybe cracked foot too much. Sooner or later, he had to go to a hospital, whether he liked it or not. The foot should be medically treated. For now, however, they had to find a place to sleep, preferably with a shower or even better a bath.

 

It took them an hour to finally find a motel on the outskirts. The older woman behind the desk (Sophia was her name) knew Tomas from his search operation and immediately wanted to know if he had found his friend. He smiled and pointed to Marcus, who had collapsed on a chair in the entryway. He had closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall behind him. He probably fell asleep at any moment.

"I'm glad for you, Father", she said with a smile, holding out a key. "That's why you're here, right? The room is just down the hall, the third door on the right. And I don‘t want to hear any thanks, that's self-evident."

Tomas nodded gratefully and took the key. Then he went to Marcus and put a hand on his shoulder. Marcus jumped awake and immediately backed away from Tomas. It took a moment for him to realize where he was and Tomas could see his entire body relax. He sank back into the chair and put his hand over his eyes.

"I'm sorry", Marcus muttered, shaking his head.

"There is nothing that you have to be sorry for", Tomas replied softly. "Get up."

Tomas helped Marcus on his feet and then took him to the room Sophia had given them. He wanted to put Marcus straight to bed, and he was sure he wouldn‘t care about that. But Tomas took him to the bathroom instead, which elicited a questioning look in his direction. Tomas smiled when he saw that there was a bathtub _and_ a shower.

"What are you doing?", Marcus asked almost wispering.

"You’ll see", Tomas replied and sat him down on the toilet.

Then he turned to the bathtub and turned on the water. It took him a moment to adjust the heat properly. When he was satisfied, he turned back to Marcus. He was still sitting there, only he had now lowered his eyes and his hands were clawed into his trouser legs.

"I'll help you, wait."

"By what?"

"To take a shower and a bath, you have to take your clothes off", it was a simple statement. "But your hands are shaking like hell. I’m pretty sure you can‘t even open the button of your pants, Marcus. I only want to help you."

"I would much rather just go to bed."

"But not the way you look. Listen to me, Marcus."

Tomas took a deep breath and squatted down in front of Marcus. It took him a while to look him in the eyes and Tomas waited as long as necessary. Marcus should know that he just wanted to help him.

"We'll put you under the shower first so the coarsest dirt is washed off and then you can put yourself in the tub as long as you want. Relax a bit…"

Marcus managed a barking laugh, ran his fingers through his hair and then just nodded. Tomas nodded as well, opening his shoes and taking them off. The socks followed next. Then Marcus‘ thouser and his shirt. At this point, he could no longer look at Tomas. His cheeks were red and his entire posture expressed discomfort. Only in underpants Marcus stood there and had to cling to Tomas, so as not to fall. His legs were shaky and the room had decided to start spinning like a carousel.

Tomas put a hand around his shoulders and helped him into the shower. Marcus was grateful to him that he was‘t completely undressing him...He couldn‘t have endured that. Tomas released him in the shower and Marcus immediately dropped himself against the wall. He was just too weak to stand alone on his feet. The next moment he felt the water pattering on his battered body and a strong arm wrapping itself around his shoulders and holding him upright. Marcus wanted to defend himself against the grip, but when he saw in Tomas warm, dark eyes, all thoughts of it were blown away. His legs gave way and he sank against Tomas. Only then did he realized that he was still wearing his clothes. He held him tight and after a while, he felt Tomas hand, which ran through his hair. He felt Tomas hands on his arms, shoulders, stomach and back and only then did he realize that he was trying to wash the dirt off his body. Marcus felt like a child...A child who couldn‘t do anything himself...A child who needed help for everything. But for the first time in his life, that feeling was okay, knowing that Tomas wouldn‘t judge him for that. He knew Tomas wouldn‘t take advantage of it.

When Tomas pushed him back a bit and leaned him against the wall, Marcus felt tears come to his eyes. Then his friend dropped to his knees in front of him and washed his legs and feet. At that moment Marcus felt tears running down his cheeks and he put his hands over his mouth to suppress a sob. No one had ever done such a thing for him before. He had never been so carefully touched...He knew no one but Tomas, who would fight a demon for days just to free him.

When Tomas noticed Marcus‘ body shaking and looking up at him, he realized that tears were running down his cheeks and he was suppressing his sobs by keeping his mouth shut. Immediately, guilt arose in him and he stood up. What was he thinking? The whole situation had to overwhelm Marcus.

"I'm sorry", he said quickly, wanting to leave the shower, but Marcus stopped him.

He held him by the arm and pulled him back. Then he put his hands to his cheeks and leaned his forehead against Tomas'.

"Thank you", he whispered in a broken voice. " Thank you for everything…Thank you for not giving me up."

Tomas shook his head and put a hand on Marcus' neck.

"I would never give up on you...never, Marcus", Tomas said softly. "God...I thought I would never see you again."

Overtaken by his feelings, he let go of Marcus' neck and hugged him instead. He pressed him against him, as tightly as if he wanted to pull him inside his body. Marcus didn‘t mind. He had his arms wrapped around him and clinging to Tomas, like a drowning man on a lifeline. Forgotten was the bath and the entire outside world. They stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. Thereafter, Tomas first dried Marcus off and helped him into some fresh boxer shorts and an undershirt and finally he dried himself and put new sleep clothes on.

Back in the bedroom, they stood in front of the two beds for a moment and stared at them. But neither of them wanted to sleep alone that night. They looked at each other briefly, then Tomas helped Marcus to the bed, which stood on the wall and let him sink thereon. Marcus slid all the way to the wall, so Tomas had room in the bed. He lay down before him and reached an arm out. Marcus followed the silent request and snuggled a little shyly to Tomas. But he pulled him right in his arms and Marcus buried his head on Tomas‘ chest. Closely entwined, they fell asleep and, for the first time in days, knew that nothing would happen to them as soon as they closed their eyes. For the first time in days their faces were completely relaxed and a soft smile played around their lips.


End file.
